IT has taken me many months to be able to approach this again. After my last post when my friend died in July, six weeks later my mother died in her sleep at the wonderful age of 95. It was odd because I was driving home from Augusta Georgia from the Trident Knights Leather run and it was late at night while heading south on Interstate 95. Something kept poking me and it was frustrating because I thought it was a mosquito in the car. After 30 minutes of this poking all over I finally blurted out..Mom Stop it…. I thought to myself, Holy crap, shes going to die..shes telling me shes leaving..Three hours after I got in, I got a phone call at 4:15AM and it was the hospice to tell me she slipped away in her sleep.
Dealing with that was complex because of the nature of my relationship to her and her inherent indifference to who I am as a gay man and the abuse I received from her as a child and young teenager. I took care of her, and did my best. Her last wishes (and boy did she have last wishes) were followed to the letter (under threats of her haunting me for the rest of my life). I was in a funk for quite a long while..not because she was gone per se but because I knew now that I was really without family. I realized that 95 is a GREAT age and she died in her sleep…but being alone and now feeling alone got me down.
I am GRATEFUL my friend Kevin who lives with me was there to make me feel less alone and then another guy came into my life who moved into my guest house and got me out of my funk. The guy is only 21 but his energy affection and warmth was just what the doctor ordered. He still lives here and I enjoy every day of him (for the most part).
The holidays were quiet as per my cultures tradition after a parents death, and in Dec I ended up in the hospital for an overnight stay. My heart was racing..all stress related but I am ok now and made up my mind to take better care of myself. My 21 yr old came to the hospital and spent the night in the room with me in my bed. It was quite a scene to have the nurses come in and see him next to me while they drew blood in the middle of the night.
Another birthday passed in January and my friends made it a GREAT time. I just got back from Augusta Georgia and attended the Mr SECC contest and I had a great time. Kevin and my 21 yr old came along with me but before we got to Augusta, we went up to Jasper Georgia in the mountains and I bought a 10.10 acre farm that now has cows on it and a natural spring. I am not sure I want to spend the rest of my life solely in South Florida. My plan is to build a home there and create an artist commune since I have gotten more involved in the art and photographic scene having been a photographer in my youth and living with 2 artists with SIR in that leather commune so many years ago.
So we are now up to date…I hope to write more regularly now. I will be back up in Jasper in 2 weeks to close on the land and begin my new adventure