For Sirs and boys


I created these pages so that you may learn something a bit about the man I am and how I was raised as a leatherboy by an Old Guard SIR. I also want you to understand what the leather community means to me; my likes and dislikes, what I look for in boys who TRULY desire to surrender and what I require from them. There are plenty of places on the Internet for those who are interested in pics, sex websites and links to a 1000 S&M rings. I am not into bells and whistles nor do I care about awards from groups, counters of how many hits my site received or animated pics of guys having sex or showing off big steroided muscles. The mechanics of how you tie a knot, flog, screw, bondage, how much leather you wear or who you get off with, however many, don’t make a relationship. They make for sex and that’s about it.

The leather community to me has always meant family. We tend to rally around each other and come to another’s aid when he is in trouble. It is not uncommon for a leatherman to open his home up to another leatherman even if he is only an acquaintance because there is an unspoken brotherhood already established. I have taken leatherboys in off the street; NOT for sex but to clean them up and send them back home. These young men were abused by their so-called Daddies and told to use crystal meth, then thrown out when Daddy got tired of the sex or was too strung out to get it up anymore. I wonder how many of those who consider themselves REAL Leathermen would actually do that for a boy in need especially when there wasnt something in it for them? Not much of a community in my opinion. In the community that I know of and knew, there is a special camaraderie that you do not often see in the gay community at large. Where I part company, however, is in the area of how FAST and cheap sex has become. It appears now-a-days that everything is a SCENE. Bondage scene, sex scene, leather scene, fisting scene, this a scene that a scene everywhere a scene scene. You want a scene go to a damn Broadway show! We have lost MOST of the traditions I grew up with as a leatherboy. Relationships are disposable and intimacy takes a sad backdrop to getting off, or in other words, sex simply for sex sake; to get off, nothing more.

When a deeper connection is desired, the union between a SIR and his boy is a very special and tight bond. There is a certain understanding and communication that is unique to that type of relationship. I had a boy just the other day say to me that he views vanilla relationships in the gay community as “too straight”. Problems arise when the boy fails to communicate or the SIR begins to abuse the boy.

I feel that the biggest misconception viewed by others is our seemingly brutal and often vicious methods in dealing with sex and doling out punishment, bondage, and/or discipline. I have heard many over the years, including myself when I was a boy, that within that pain is an overwhelming pleasure that has released a freedom and ecstasy that is beyond human language. It reaches beyond a physical orgasm into areas that I cannot describe except to say, for me it was like breathing in the fresh ocean air on a hot summers day, feeling the heat of the sun on my body and reaching a climax all at the same time; and yet it was more; so much more. It is a total and pure unadulterated surrendering of the body, mind and soul for the boy to place his being into his SIRS hands! Sir and boy feed off of each other and as time progresses the feedings become larger, for a sense of trust strengthens and knowledge of how to eat from one another becomes familiar and thus the bond which was established grows stronger.


I chose to begin with boys first since I have the utmost respect for them, and, being a boy myself for a long period of time (10 yrs) to one man, I understand how difficult it can be at times to follow orders and do as you’re told. Its one thing to sit there and tell everyone what to do but quite another to get off your ass and do it, even if you don’t want to; and, having been in that position, I understand things from a boys point of view in an intimate manner.

IT is VERY important for the boy to communicate his limits, special needs and concerns (such as HIV) to the man he wishes to surrender or submit to. I have found too many men out there who have no clue on what to do, who log in one day and decide to be a top or because they have steroided muscles and are big built, that they are the one to be in charge with absolutely no idea of anything, other than sticking their wanker up a mans butt. Then there are those who are young and at the ripe old age of 18 they call themselves MASTERS even though they are still in high school and living with mommy n daddy. The boys must be especially cautious since they can be physically hurt or psychologically damaged by these idiots. I have heard of many stories from guys who had this happen, by so-called Masters in their 20’s who up and decided that this was who they were without any training other than reading a book or looking through a leather magazine.

Boys also need to be EXTREMELY careful if they are HIV negative and the SIR is positive since one slip up and you can become easily infected. You need to make SURE not to allow anyone tie you up who may then penetrate you when you have no way to get out. Its AS important even if BOTH parties are positive since the virus mutates and if it becomes resistant to all meds, you face an uncertain future! The final decision is up to you but PLEASE think about this before you act..Once you become infected with HIV to which there is still no cure, the side effects of the meds are toxic and the cost is 2 to 4000 dollars a month; so you’d better have good health insurance! In addition, there are other viruses out there, much MORE aggressive than HIV; such as hepatitis A, B, C (A and B have vaccines and you NEED to get them NOW; Hep C has no vaccine OR real treatment and is VERY severe, leading to cancer and liver shutdown which = death). Can be spread by sucking, rimming, fucking; basically blood and semen (cum). The next is herpes which is also forever (HHV) Human Herpes Virus, where your penis (head and/or shaft) breaks out in painful oozing sores from time to time and it IS spread VERY easily. You can get this from sucking OR if you even just lie back and have someone suck YOU and you do NOTHING BACK! It can be spread by kissing also and unprotected anal sex. The next less serious is (HPV) Human Papilloma Virus or the more common name, genital warts, anal warts. these are also very contagious and can be spread just from rubbing your genitals on each other. Do your research, read up, and educate yourself on how to protect your health! There are indeed other ways of catching these diseases but remember, they ARE called Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD) and are mostly spread by sexual contact and therefore am limiting my expose to this.

If you are a boy looking for a relationship rather than a quick lay, then you need to NOT give yourself to just anyone who wants to use you. I have found that when you give yourself too fast, you get kicked to the curb the next day or the next week and its time to move on crap. If you only want to trick and go from bed to bed that’s fine, just don’t bitch about the fact that you can’t find anyone, because you don’t find a partner based on how well you perform in bed. No matter HOW incredible you are, the newness WEARS OFF, PERIOD! DONT allow ANY so-called MASTER or SIR use you unless he has intentions of training you for permanent keep or unless you dont mind being used and let go or you are not seeking a relationship. Again the choice is yours. Whatever your choice, dont bitch. Either go after what you truly seek or shut up when things dont go your way. NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, is THAT special.

Meeting the prospective SIR for the first time should be done in public. Make sure someone knows where you are with an address and phone number. If the SIR doesn’t provide this and wants all YOUR information but doesn’t offer his, then back off. Dont meet in secluded places or hotel rooms unless someone knows where you are. I have known my share of boys who were beaten severely and a few raped and infected so avoid this. Several have been killed when the situation went bad. Leather S&M has very honorable men but its difficult to decide who’s honorable and who’s a nut job. Is best to err on the side of caution.

The last aspect for the boys I wish to address is the touchy subject of the SIR already having a long-term lover; especially when one is into leather and one isn’t. Many times those already involved have grown sexually tired of each other, so one partner goes out and explores his sexuality in order to spice it up since he isn’t getting it from his lover. He finds a submissive boy to use hence his journey into leather. It appears that most of these men who have long-term partners end up as SIRS for whatever reason. DO these ever evolve into anything long-term? Hard question to answer. I know some who left their long time vanilla companion for their destiny to be with the boy of choice, but much of the time it’s just a short-term affair. Usually the vanilla parter gets really pissed off and forces the hand of the leatherSIR with the boy to dump that boy. (Who’s in charge of who here, SIR or the vanilla parter?)

In ending, I cannot stress to you boys out there to take heed on these issues. Be prudent in who you give your body to and combine following your heart, your head and your dick into one and don’t let one win out over the other. As we say in Greek, you dont look for pearls in shit; neither should YOU!


It took me a long time to think about this section. I feel that the responsibility of being in charge; teaching, guiding and leading anyone is an enormous task; let alone coupling that with someone you are involved in a relationship. It is so much more than what goes on in the bedroom; although it would appear now-a-days that nothing other than what goes on in the bedroom with the most amount of guys to play with is the beginning and the end all of who we are as leathermen.

Your obligations as SIR to your sub are great indeed. You represent authority; sexually and otherwise, and it is NOT something to be taken lightly. If you want to embark on this journey, you cannot wake up on a Monday morning and feel like being someones top, declare yourself a MASTER, make up a screen name, go online, and behave as if you know what the hell you’re doing. The damage you can cause can be permanent to the boy; both on a physical as well as emotional and mental level.

To those that are indeed serious about embarking on this journey need to do their research. There are so many varying points of view out there today that it would be good for you to go to leather runs, meetings, events and find out where you feel at ease. Can you experiment sexually; of course, and you can also learn from some good bottom boys who have plenty of experience, aside from other SIRS. Some men are naturally dominant and they can make good Daddies/SIRS, provided they leave themselves open to learn and grow. The community isn’t all that big so if you get a bad rep as a SIR, understand that the word WILL get around. People naturally talk. On the other hand if you have a good rep, that gets around also.

ITs important to learn about technique in bondage, electro, wax, w/s, ff, flogging just to mention a few. You need to know the “how to’s” so you dont hurt anyone. Dont feel embarrassed..ask.

As you know, there are many more bottom boys out there than good SIRS or ANY kind of SIR for that matter so you will have a field day in choosing from all the pups out there. Dont ever let a boy wrest control from you; for any reason. IF the boy tops from the bottom then the entire dynamics of the relationship change; and if that’s what you want, then its ok. If the boy is sick, make sure it is YOU who sends him to bed before he can opt to go there for himself. Being affectionate is fine as well as kissing him. However, there are many boys out there who are experienced and know how to manipulate their SIRS by cajoling, nagging, intimidating among others. I once had a boy who had HIV and used every means at his disposal to get his way; using the HIV card to get away with EVERYTHING. There was nothing wrong with his physical health and he tried to intimidate and bully me. To say the least, the boy is LONG gone out of my service. As SIR, you can take your boys suggestions into account as well as his feelings and even ask him for advice if you feel it would be practical and appropriate, but most times, the decisions are yours. However, in my personal opinion, try to keep the boy in mind though when you make decisions, even if you dont tell him or admit to it. Keep in mind that there are so many subtleties in any relationship that it would be beyond the scope of this site to address every issue.

Always respect the man who serves you well. It pisses me off to see these so-called Masters treat their animals better than a human being who is taking care of them. You can be whatever you wish to be toward the boy but do so with respect, even when you feel sadistic. I like to call it *benevolent sadism*. Feed into your boys fetishes. Give him his needs and you will be served WELL! I was told about 10 yrs ago by a Master who visited NYC from Los Angeles (he had 4 slaveboys) that, “a good MASTER is the slave to his boys needs.”

COLLARS (collaring)

A collar is of course circular. It is an outward sign of a commitment given to the boy by his Master or Sir. It is similar in meaning to a wedding ring but worn around the neck instead of the finger. IT is NOT given after an hour trick or a weekend tryst. The collar signifies that the boy belongs to that SPECIFIC man to be guided and treated with respect; NOT abused.

I know of a guy who actually keeps a collar in the trunk of his car just in case he finds some unsuspecting boy who knows no better and gives the collar “just because”. Its his way of getting laid and making that boy feel special but of course there’s no real value behind this since that collar has had more performances than Cats on Broadway. There are quite a few guys who fall for this because they have no one out there to teach them what a scam artist this guy is pulling on them just to get off.

The next bit of garbage is the Engagement Collar. I actually have no clue as to what the guy was talking about. This boy’s Sir used this term and in all my 33 years I have NEVER heard of it. MY opinion on this given what the boy told me was that he wouldn’t really put out until he felt that SIR was giving the boy a genuine committment, so SIR made up the name, gave him this chain and called it an engagement collar. I advised the boy who didn’t take my advisement and 3 weeks later SIR got what he wanted and he dumped the boy. Idiots like this who refer to themselves as SIRS make it extremely difficult and frustrating for the rest of us who ARE genuine.

The final story I am putting on here ( I have many many others ) I heard from a good friend of mine who’s a good boy and title holder. This is about a Master and his slave who wanted a collar. The slave found a collar that looked SO good on him that the Master decided that it in fact did look good on him so the slave was allowed to buy his collar and wear it. I laughed so hard I almost pissed my jeans. When does ANY sub, let alone a slave, get to pick out and BUY his own collar and where does the slave get off REQUESTING to have one because it looks SO good on him and when does the slave get to try on various collars?? My final question. Whats wrong with this entire picture???

I was taught that a collar was usually given AFTER a significant amount of time had passed and usually the SIR MAKES the collar for the boy. It’s NOT a designer collar of couture. As for myself, I buy the raw materials, chain, leather etc and I make the collar for the boy. Some SIRS will choose to have a formal ceremony and others will do it privately. In addition there are usually two collars; one for when the boy is at home or with friends or at a bar or club, and one for when the boy goes or work and cant wear the more substantial collar due to work restrictions.

As for myself, I still wear my former SIRS collar which is 18K gold and given to me after knowing him for 25 years. The collar, which you may be able to see in my photos, will NEVER come off until he dies. Even though I am not his boy, I wear it out of respect for that man who taught me everything I now know. I still refer to him as SIR and there are still certain behaviors and conducts I still adhere to even after 33 years of knowing him. I will discuss these in the PROTOCOL section below.

In closing this section, if you don’t understand the difference between a weekend trick and long-term training, you have no business either giving out a collar or accepting one. You dont throw around a collar anymore than you would throw around the word AIDS, Hepatitis C, or love.


The word protocol seems to be a dirty concept. IT appears that it’s a virtual free-for-all with everyone doing anything they wish to do with whoever they want to do it with. There is a sense of utter disrespect for the very word relationship. SIRS can leave their boys and screw around with whoever they wish and coerce the boy to screw around with someone the boy doesn’t like simply because THEY CAN.

Boys want to go off and have other play partners for whatever reason. They have boyfriends, husbands, lovers AND their SIR. Now I was in a polyamorous family with 4 other boys but my SIR didnt trick around with anyone and neither did the boys. When I mention the word Leather Family, honor and protocol, you would have thought I wished someone AIDS.

I have gone into leather events, bars or Runs and if they see me with an attractive boy they will go right up to him and grab his ass without ANY thought to the fact that this guy is with me. On the other hand I have had boys come right up to me even when I am with someone and will almost push the guy out of their way to talk to me and ignore them. There is a TOTAL lack of judgment and respect because, after all, ALL leathermen are pigs and in it only for sex, right? I find the majority of men who refer to themselves as leathermen to be ignorant because they have never been taught protocol in social situations. I prefer to call them men wearing leatherdrag for the sake of getting off. Thats all it is.

There are certain common sense guidelines in various social situations. If SIR wishes to converse with someone, he usually sends his boy to ask the guy to come over. SIR NEVER disrespects his boy by constantly wanting other guys to screw. Thats downright obnoxious and toxic. Flirting is one thing but demanding the boy accept a total stranger and trick just because that’s what SIR wants for the moment is UNACCEPTABLE and the boy should judge for himself if this was a one time thing or is this a consistent pattern. Usually its a consistent pattern. The boy needs to decide if he wishes to tolerate a SIR who wants every boy he sees. Those dynamics will always cause a relationship to fail.

Then there are the boys who have *other* relationships. How in Gods name can a boy wish to serve BUT have other relationships where his attention isn’t focused on his SIR because he has spread himself out with other men? Over the long run these relationships usually don’t work because SOMEONE has to be the primary relationship and if the SIR tolerates that he ISN’T the FIRST priority then I question how much of a SIR he actually is. For single boys, it is fine to approach a SIR with respect, not a comment on his genitals or muscles. Yeah it will get you sex (maybe), if thats all you want, but if you don’t respect yourself don’t expect him to respect you or want anything else from you but yer ass..and then don’t bitch about the fact you cant find anyone when you got yer as all over the city givin’ it away. Any relationship worth anything takes time and effort and is not based on yer sexual gymnastics.

In closing this section, if there’s a lack of protocol within the SIR/boy dynamics, the relationship usually changes into a non SIR/boy dynamic. I cannot stress enough the importance of protocol because when you break that dynamic, you change the bond and you can never go back to what you lost. Usually by this point both guys are seeking other play buds/tricks/relationships and usually with other men that HAVE the dynamic that they lost with the original partner.


Many into this lifestyle are under the assumption that training refers to sexual and nothing more. With many men I have encountered, when someone refers to training it usually means what the SIR likes in bed; his wants, needs and fetishes. Since most of life is lived outside of bed, training refers to the submissive and how he needs to be taught (trained) to his SIR’s needs and wants. Each persons technique varies greatly but there is common ground. Training/teaching share core values that the submissive be treated with respect. Being beaten only serves the purpose to serve out of fear not loyalty, love or devotion and over the long haul it usually doesn’t work or last unless of course the submissive ENJOYS pain and being beaten. The specifics of those dynamics are VERY individualized and it would be ludicrous for me to get into them because we all have different needs with whom we choose to share our attention, love and our bed.

Giving you my particular needs and fetishes also serves no purpose for you who are reading this. It is up to you to determine what works within your encounters and relationships but everyone should be treated appropriately and accordingly WITH respect. Punishment is another vastly misused word. I hear all the time, “I have been a bad boy Daddy. I need to be punished.” Since when does punishment involve getting your fetishes met? Punishment in sexual play is quite different from punishment for an infraction. However most times when it comes to gay men it’s a sexual fetish which has NOTHING to do with the realities of being punished. I usually stop them dead in their tracks when I tell them that, “you DONT want me to punish you because it’s not going to be pleasant. Punishment is not a mode for you to get off, boy.” Theres no need for me to get into MY specifics because you need to find your own as the SIR. As for the boy..DONT ask for punishment because the worst punishment is when you are IGNORED!!!

Last but not least; LEARN LEARN LEARN. Never feel you know it all or let your ego get in the way of going forward. You will never know it all. NEVER!

116 thoughts on “For Sirs and boys

  1. peter quesnel says:

    Hey Jim, one more comment before i log off the net. You say most gay men don’t know what to do with you. My god, after reading your notes here I’d say they would jump at the chance of getting to know you better. Please lets keep in touch and get to know one another better. I might never be your boy but I think you’d find me of interest as well although I have no where near the leather experience you do, but I have other things to offer.

  2. jim says:

    Hey stud hungbottomboy2000 from daddyhunt

  3. Master David says:

    You have accomplished much a a test that can interest the arrogate physician, who constantly fail in accepting the truth that an M.D. degree does not include proper preparations to handle all the ills of mankind, especially HIV/AIDS. I am an authority, and not infrequently sought as an “expert witness” in legal cases relating to “killer virus” but issues on asbestos and other biological agents and their influence upon the human race.

    It was exciting for me personally to read your highly considered comments. It is literally a prayer that some of the new generations of humans will accept that we are different and must for our mere survival upon a planet mankind has made severely hostile to us, survive by reading the horrors those of this exact moment have endured, and can warn of the horrors to come, if you ignore our advice.

    The writing of JIM above is an outstanding work of experience and intelligence. He and I have many things in common and agree upon a thousand issues, but what good does it accomplished for JIM to write of the truth when he is ignored.

    This blog may one day be part of required reading in some type of academic environment of which we have no concept today. It will, or should, be part of required reading because he tells the truth.

    I do not think I have met JIM physically, but we have met intelluctially and emotionally. Please read his blog and become his friend. What JIM has to say in his blog may save your life.

    I write this to him as a complication, and also as a plea to anyone who reads my remarks here. Please, I beg you, set aside your vanities of vast knowledge and carefully read what he has written. You may disagree with him. If you ignore such blogs as this and think you have more accurate information, you risk the horrible death you can imagine.

    Master David XI

  4. Mr. Ellen says:

    Dear Daddy Jim,

    I just stumbled on this site while actually looking for your old one (I wanted to show someone a picture.) I am so happy to find you have a blog and I will be reading through it all whenever I can. We should catch up sometime via phone, but I want you to know that you have inspired and shaped me beyond measure. I love you very much and miss you.


  5. Tim Davis says:

    Dear Sir,
    I say sir out of respect for you and your writings. I’m neither a Master or a Boy. Just someone that has been curious about what the Leather “Scene” was all about. I know I have received an education today and I thank you very much.

    Although, Leather isn’t something for me. I will recommend your blog to anyone that is thinking about it.

    Thank you again,
    Tim Davis
    I also wish there would be no more Stars. You have a beautiful soul.

  6. Dan says:

    Yeah. This dude does have a beautiful soul. I think he is awesome. He reminds me of my guy. I have started calling my guy Sir (he did not ask, but seemed to think it was natural) and this writer reminds me of his spirit. I am realizing I am a boy, and it makes me happy as all get out! I am a playful guy anyway, and serious guys always seem to like me. I did not tell my guy that I friggin live to please him, but I think he knows it. Wow, amazing. I wish I lived near this dude writing this.

  7. I’ve read a few just right stuff here. Definitely price bookmarking for revisiting. I surprise how so much effort you place to create this kind of great informative web site.

  8. Lance says:

    I just read this and find it incredibly thought-provoking. I cannot call myself a Sir yet, as I haven’t had much training. But I desire to be a great Sir and was wondering if you knew of any sites, books or other media I can get a hold of so I can learn and grow. It’s my goal to perform the role of a Sir as you have detailed. That’s exactly what I was thinking when I read this. Thank you for your words. And if you want to respond to me, please contact me at (Master was from my D&D days as a game master. lol)

  9. Tim says:

    Dear Sir

    I have so many questions. I have just recently came out. Believe it after 12 years of marriage which ended in divorce and a total of 32 years together, finally I am secure in my sexuality. My sexual preference is bottom and I have no desire to top. I have always been intrigued by leather I love the feel and smell of it. I want to be a leather boy to a Sir as I have always had a servant mentality and my question to you is how can I find a Sir that would be willing to train me in the leather culture that would be the slave to his boy as you mentioned. I am a 53 year old man that has wasted many years trying to be someone that he wasn’t .. Just yesterday unknowingly bought a collar from a leather store and wore it the first time last evening in a bar but only just came across your information this evening , my attitude in buying this was to possiably attract myself to a Sir in hopes if being accepted. I have so much to learn obviously but my passion is very evident
    What ever suggestions that you can offer to me please by all means do so. I have a great and honorable respect for Sirs as yourself that has paved the way for truth and honor in the leather culture and I do hope that I may be trained properly in the art of being a leather boy and be found to be faithful to his Sir
    Please feel free to contact me if you wish by the attached email
    Regards and Much Respect

  10. Aaron says:


    Thank you for writing this. It helped me out a lot. I was hoping to find some sort of contact information for you but looking over the site I don’t see one. I have a ton of questions about this topic and you seem like you would be an appropriate person to chat with. I assume that you will get my e-mail with this while posting. If you have the time, I would love to chat with you.

    Thank you for reading.

    • hotsir says:

      I am going to have to look into this. I always thought I had an email address posted here.
      My email to contact me at is OR

      Aaron, I ALWAYS have time for a genuine and good boy..


      • Sir hello Sir,

        Thank you very much for writing this blog. I’m a 21-year-old bottom who wants to be a slave and serve a Sir completely. Thanks to your texts, I learned lots of things about the Leather scene. I’m reassured to read that respect must be equal between the Sir and the slave.

        Thank you once again Sir!

  11. boydan says:

    Thank You Sir
    This boy was instructed to read Sirs blog by the Sir he hopes to one day serve… Please forgive boy if he says anything inappropriate…. boy has never read anything more perfectly descriptive of boys own feelings…. boy has searched for a Sir that boy feels truly understands the incredible dynamics that are involved in the Sir/boy relationship

    • hotsir says:

      I was a boy for 10 years to one man who is now 83 and always my SIR although I do not serve him but if he needed me or wished service I would be there for him, so I know how a boy feels on many levels although each boy is of course unique as are his feelings and fetishes, needs, goals, wants and desires. Feel free to click on the link “My Leather History” which is on a file for anyone to listen to. No need to read a thing. A copy is located at the Leather Archives and Museum in Chicago…Thank you for your kind words!

  12. boydan says:

    Please forgive me…boydan accidentally posted before he was finished with his comment …. By Sirs description i am confident in say i am a true boy…. Sirs needs supersede mine for the simple fact that the boy knows to the fiber of his being that by servicing properly the Sir i have chosen will provide for and even surpass what i define as my needs …Sir and this boy have yet to meet face to face…hopefully that will happen soon … Sir and i talk for hours nightly …sex is rarely part of the discussion … Sir has stated what he expects from his boy and boy has told Sir what boy is capable of …as honestly and completely as honestly

  13. boydan says:

    Again please me….
    boy is working on a smartphone that is not very smart…lol….as boy has saying … As openly and honestly as humanly possible … This boy is absolutly certain that the Sir he has been talking to is the Sir he wishes to serve … And the meeting will tell me if the Sir he meets is the Sir he has been talking to…You Sir should know that this boy is on his knees applauding the wisdom that is imparted in you words… In the last several years this boy has been watching his beloved leather community turn into what boy refers to as the naugahide community …to which boy wants no part
    boy would appreciate any suggestions Sir has for this boy

    • hotsir says: or
      Suggestions in what regard boy? You didn’t ask a question nor make a statement as to what you wish to know…

      • boydan says:

        Please forgive me Sir
        The questions i meant to ask center around finding a Sir … Does Sir have any suggestions on which websites boy should be looking and how best to make contact with the largest number of Sirs to begin the arduous task of finding the one Sir that is truly a proper fit

  14. hotsir says:

    Do you truly believe you can find a SIR on line? I have been on all of them and personally, and I can only speak from personal experience, I have never found anyone who was genuine in their pursuit! I honestly dont know any websites that I would direct you to….If anyone out there reading this wishes to suggest a website, please do so!

  15. Aaron says:

    Greetings Sir and boydan,
    I do have some input here.
    I have been on several sites looking for a Sir as well, and mostly what I have encountered are: People who just pretend to be a Sir (no real training or experience) and all talk. I think that most people like the idea of being a Sir but have no clue what a Sir or a boy is and just assume that since they watched a porn they know. As stated by Daddy Jim all throughout his fantastic writings. I personally have given up on actually meeting a Sir online. I think it’s possible but you have a very very slim chance. If by chance you DO find a real Sir online boydan, and intend to partake in a sexual activity or scene, I suggest you take the advice of meeting in a public place in a non sexual setting and first having a long in depth conversation about what experience He has, what you are looking for, HIV and STD status (assuming you haven’t talked about this already). If the Sir refuses to give out that information then RED FLAG. When meeting for the actual encounter, I personally would suggest letting someone close to you know where you are going and the number of the Sir, and let the Sir know this as well. I would think if the Sir is serious then He wouldn’t mind.
    I’m sure Daddy Jim will correct me if any of my information is off or skewed.

    • Tim says:

      Daddy Jim Thank you for your beautiful insight. Oh if only I could find a Sir like you… There is so much love inside of me that needs to be given…. All to a man equal to you in every regard Always, Boy- Tim

      Sent from my iPhone

      • hotsir says:

        Tim, give the love right now to those around you such as friends and family. Love is a gift that’s never wasted when you give it away! As for finding a SIR, it will happen when it happens. There’s no rhyme or rule as to when, how, where or who. Just live life and it will happen.

  16. Sir Chuck says:

    Greetings Aaron, and hello Daddy Jim.

    I am the Sir in question by Boy Dan. I was quite taken by Daddy Jim’s postings. It is fantastic to run across another Sir that has the same views as I do on the state of the Leather community these days.

    I can assure one and all that My intentions are Honorable, Respectful, and are backed by a strong Integrity.

    I have taken in Boys in trouble, and helped get them back on track in their lives. My most recent Pup just departed for a fantastic job. I took him in about a year and a half ago…part of that was because he was in trouble, and I felt compelled as a Sir and Leatherman to help this Pup. I also made a promise to his Master, that should something happen, I would take the Pup in and care for him. About a year after I made that promise, Master passed away, and as a true Sir, I kept My promise this Master and to my Pup.

    As far as Boy Dan, we have discussed many aspects of the Sir/Boy relationship and dynamic. I have done My best to answer up front and honest to ALL of Boy Dan’s questions. I do agree, and insist, that when he comes to visit Me, that he leave My contact information with someone close to him. As a Sir, I feel it would be VERY improper and disrespectful to NOT provide any and all information to make our meeting safe and productive in our goal of starting a Sir/Boy relationship.

    In line with this feed: Is it possible to find a good Sir (or Boy) online? yes. Is it easy? no. Are there a lot of fakes, fantasy Sirs/Boys, Master Card Masters, wannabes and dangerous people uneducated in the ways of a proper leather lifestyle? Hell yes! Should we all, as Leathermen, give up on the online means of meeting? NO…we should instead all work towards setting proper examples, such as Daddy Jim has done on this site and propagate the true leather lifestyle and educate those who are being steered down the wrong path by these fakes and dangerous people.

    When I chat with a Boy online, the one’s that catch My attention are the ones that do not talk about sex, rather they talk about the Sir/Boy dynamic, and what it means to be a Boy, serving his Sir, and what THEY look for in a Sir. Once they convince me that their first and only intention is not just for sex, I sit up and take notice, and dive deeper into My conversations with them. That is what occurred between Boy Dan and Myself.

    I make it quite clear that no promises are being made, and that a face to face meeting (maybe several) are a must. I also make sure the Boy knows that no decisions will be made until we find out how things go face to face. Chatting is a good start, but surely not a replacement for physical interaction since in chat, emotions cannot be expressed, and there is no way to know for sure how well we would get along until we actually get to meet.

    I hope this gives you some idea of who I am, and puts to rest some fears of Boy Dan about to meet a potential Sir for the first time.

    I welcome any and all comments, and communication in this matter.

    Sir Chuck

  17. SIR
    Permission to say this : WOW this is truly inspirational on so many levels, thank you SIR for bringing enlightenment and understanding and the true nature of what a relationship between a boy and a sir should be.
    Thank you SIR.

    • hotsir says:

      I truly appreciate your comment. Thank you for making my day, boy..

      • wulfginn says:

        Again this has helped me and inspired my story for Ball gags, collars, leather and dead thing. I don’t think with out this the story would be possible thank you.

  18. the edge for men clothing store says:

    After I initially commented I seem to have clicked on the -Notify
    me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time a comment is added I
    receive four emails with the exact same comment. Perhaps there
    is a way you can remove me from that service? Appreciate it!

    • hotsir says:

      Hi there,

      I am sorry for the inconvenience. When you receive an email, at the very
      look for a button that says “subscription options” or something to that
      When you find it, click on it and follow the directions to remove yourself
      because it does not allow me to remove you from future emails.


  19. This is a very good tip especially to those fresh to the blogosphere.
    Simple but very accurate info… Thanks for sharing this
    one. A must read post!

  20. Irvin says:

    Aqui: For Sirs and boys | Daddy Jim: a LeatherMans Musings eu me interessei por legal advice chat rooms.

  21. Terry Bandy says:

    Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text
    in your article seem to be running off the screen in Firefox.
    I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to
    do with internet browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know.
    The design look great though! Hope you get the problem fixed soon.
    Many thanks

    • hotsir says:

      HI Terry,

      Thanks for the heads up. I use Firefox and I am having no issues with it.
      I asked several people who use Firefox and they aren’t having any problems either.


  22. Boy Jason says:

    This is the most honest and forthcoming information I have read on the subject. Thank you, Sir, for all of your insight.

    • hotsir says:

      Thanks boy, I appreciate your comments..IF I can ever be of further assistance please do not ever hesitate to ask…


  23. tim says:

    Sir i found your article informative i am new to this and have desired it but have only found abusive encounters. i word like to know more please I need direction

  24. David Thomas says:

    Jim, I have a few questions. What is all this about sirs and boys? I really need someone to explain it to me. I have a friend who told me about this and i am interested. I am in a bad situation and my friend told me about sirs and how they can help. Please advise me. Thanks

  25. hotsir says:

    David, since I am not a friend of yours on Facebook it wouldn’t be in your regular would be under “other” and that’s where you will find my message…

  26. milt robertd says:

    Wow! Just happened onto this site. Your article should be required reading for every wannabe Sir or boy, maybe even some who already consider themselves Sirs. Thank you.

  27. sbobet says:

    Hello there, just became aware of your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative.

    I’m going to watch out for brussels. I’ll appreciate if you continue this in future.
    Numerous people will be benefited from your writing. Cheers!

  28. sbobet says:

    Hi, I desire to subscribe for this blog to take latest updates,
    therefore where can i do it please assist.

  29. SirTrenchant Onyx says:

    This post is a eyeopener to me. But has definitely cornerstoned itself with me. As a new found Sir, too often we see many taking the title as to look good on a page or seem fashionable without adhering to a definite soul search in being genuine in their leather journey. The main factor is to be respected, and honorable with empathy and character. I am learning everyday but fortunate to see and witness as well as learn from mentors and people who find it right to instill wisdom in the right direction being a Sir or boy nature. Thank you for enlightening me and I appreciate this message wholeheartedly.

  30. patrick says:

    Thank you for writing this, as a new boy/sub this was very insightful.

  31. Tommy says:

    Thank you for this…..being a boy myself I can tell you that there are many out there that think we are doormats. We are strong, strong enough to know our desires and brave enough to surrender to them.

  32. Hans says:

    Interesting! I’m about to start a relationship with a man who calls himself a leatherman and me master. There is a lot to learn and find out.

  33. Ryan says:

    I’m glad I found this. It’s really interesting. I’ve been in leather for about 5 years. I’ve had a number of boys only one collared though. It’s been somewhat difficult for me to learn about being a Dom aside from technical skills like flogging or wax or electro or what have you. Where I live there are few doms to learn from. Zero actually who don’t require that I sub for them in order to learn, so the first 3 years or so was largely trial and error. The main challenge for me has been disciplining myself enough to not take on a boy just because I find him really attractive. To set standards for myself and stick with them. Also, another challenge for me has been knowing when, in regard to a boys feed back knowing when to bend and when to not. There’s a part in this artice that seems conflicting to me in that it’s stressed a Sir should maintain control always which I agree and then also “a good master is a slave to his slaves desires” . This feels like they are opposing messages. And I’ve had a lot of doms I’ve spoken to make similar seemingly opposing statements. I personally have found that I’ve been in situations where I felt pressure into doing things my sub wanted but which I really didn’t and that was the beginning of the end of that relationship. Especially if the sub wants to say– involve other doms. Doms that I don’t know or who for whatever reason DONT really like or trust with my boy. Or for instance I’ve had boys who become possessive of me and are great subs in all other areas but want to more or less lock my dick down and carry it in their man purse. Often it’s been hard to know exactly what I’ll accept and what I can’t roll with bc in the end of I’m
    Not getting what I want then I’m going to end it. Most commentary from dominants I’ve read or heard is almost exclusively on how to safely administer BDSM and please your boy. Most guidelines for boys are what to expect from your Sir. I crave some commentary on what to expect from your boy. That would be helpful to see others views. Boys fantasies to be frank aren’t hard to figure out. It’s pretty simple actually and I’ve never met one who had any problem making their desires known. However, im not a service top. I never want to be one either. So what if your boy wants something you don’t? What if he plays the victim all the time or blames you for past experiences you had nothing to do with? What if wants to play with a guy who you don’t appove of? What if he’s super ADHD and finds it hard to follow tasks or guidelines ? Those are questions that is love to hear addressed from other doms. After some soul searching I’ve concluded that most subs aren’t submisdive at all they’re just kinky bottoms who like it rough and DONT have a submissive bone in their body and don’t want direction, guidance or cintrol at all they just want a kinky top. Or else they’re pretty emotionally screwed up from past abusive (talking actual abuse here that was damaging not to be confused with S/m ) lovers or parents and seek domination as a way of “revisiting the scene of the crime” or avoiding issues they need to deal with. They can’t manage their lives so they want you to do it for them. I find teaching a boy to do his laundry, not stay up till 4 am so he can have a productive following day, brush and floss, don’t buy a 80$ sweater if you’re late on your light bill etc to be tedious. I don’t have the time for that. With my new standards in place of avoiding these types I fear I will not have another boy for a while.

    • hotsir says:

      A good SIR is the slave to his boys needs. Slaves do not get any say in anything, which is why they’re slaves. As for boys theres a difference. Boys have lives jobs and their own interests. Slaves do not. The statements are not contradictory. Why? Because if you have a boy who YOU make unhappy then the boy will go elsewhere. Why? Because he can. He’s NOT a slave. The reason for that statement, a Good SIR is the slave to his boys needs…why? because as much as a boy pleases his SIR, because he’s not a slave he has his own needs fetishes and desires separate from SIR’s and if the boy NEVER gets what he wants he has the freedom to leave..

  34. sbobet says:

    Wow that was strange. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but after
    I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear. Grrrr…
    well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyways, just wanted to
    say superb blog!

    • hotsir says:

      Please look again. Theres a very long comment before this one you posted. Was that your comment from Oct 5th? I have to approve comments before hey show on the site because of spam and haters. IF you wrote the long comment then it is indeed on here.

  35. Williemae says:

    Have you ever thought bout writing an e-book or guest authoring on other sites?
    I have a blog based on the same information you discuss and would really
    liike to have you share some stories/information. I know my visitor would enjoy your work.

    If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me aan e-mail.

  36. Ryan says:

    I supose it comes to a matter of compatibility if you and your boy are in disagreement about a certain scene or desire.
    When I was new to all this and I had my first full time boy. There came a point when he actually presented me with a written list of desires that I was to provide or else it was over. Gangbangs, fisting, chemical restraints (wanted me to roofy him). I didn’t want to do these things and I didnt do them. It ended. As much as I loved him if I had to do it over I still would not do them. I stand by that decision. As a result he made it clear he didn’t think I was a good Sir Bc I didn’t give him those things he wanted.
    No. I am not a slave to a boys needs. I have my standards and limitations also. I’m not going to lower or modify my limits or do things I’m uncomfortable with. I want my boy to be happy of course. But I’m not going to sacrifice my own desires for his.

  37. hotsir says:

    The things you mentioned i.e. chemical restraints, gang bangs and his list of things he wanted was not at all what I meant when I said the SIR is the slave to his boys needs NOR did I ever say a SIR should sacrifice his own desires for the boy. What I am saying is that if the boy NEVER gets anything he wants he has no reason to stay and serve. My saying is more an expression than a “literal” translation.

  38. hotsir says:

    Not a problem…anytime!!

  39. Jeff says:

    I stopped reading when you shifted your political agenda to HIV. Also, please update this page to educate people about PREP and Truvada. If you must get political.. those are the most important topics. If you like bareback sex no matter who you like it with… if you like Bareback sex. YOU SHOULD BE ON TRUVADA!! Period! Be well!!

    • Alvaro De Vega says:

      You are right about that medicine . My doctor didn’t want to prescrive it to me because he feels I’m not a risky person , but I will like the freedom to have sex without worry

  40. hotsir says:

    Political agenda? ON WHAT? This was how I was taught. Whats with this political agenda crap?? For ANYONE interested, my blog has a new post on PrEP. What I wrote about is the way I see things and the way I was raised as a boy…There was NEVER ANY political agenda TO my writings.

  41. T says:

    Loved your article here. Read it twice already. Thanks for being a positive leader in the Sir-Boy world. I was wondering if you’d be so kind, Sir, as to let me know your opinion on a couple of questions:

    1. Do you think Sirs like being chased? Obviously everybody is an individual, so I know there’s no 100% blanket statement answer available for this question. But in general, do you think that there is a trend among Sir-types that they enjoy being the one chased? I am after an older Sir that I recently had a first date with. We connected in a great way, but ever since, I have been the one initiating all the communication, trying to get to see him again. He seems receptive, but I am worried that I am going to turn him off by always being the one who reaches out. I feel that, as the submissive boy, it is more my place to be the one to initiate communication (Sir is a very respectable man with a lot going on, and has his shit together, so obviously he doesn’t have the time or emotional perspective to be the one to always reach out to me). However, I also worry that if I always reach out to him, he will grow annoyed with me and not be interested. I’m trying to strike a balance by giving him a week here or there with no communication. What do you think of this?

    2. I do not understand leather itself. I have a strong desire to be dominated by an older, wiser Sir type of man, to learn and grow from him and eventually become a man thanks to his guidance and love. I am interested in exploring kinks like bondage, electro, and flogging. I have been with Sirs as the sub and have very much enjoyed it, so I know I like it. But I do not understand what is the appeal of leather. I don’t care of the feel or look of it. It’s just not my cup of tea. But what I really don’t get is why Leather is always coupled with Sir/Boy or Sir/Pup lifestyle. Do you know why they’re always so coupled together?

    Again, thanks for the article. The Hep C part really made me more aware of it than I was before. Thanks in advance if you’re able to answer, Sir. Have a great one.

    • hotsir says:

      1. Do SIRS like being chased?? We are human.simple answer is ABSOLUTELY!! I cannot speak for EVERY SIR in the USA but generally speaking, from my experiences not only with myself but with interactions..yes. Striking a balance is the key as you wrote in your note to me…
      2. Leather is not always coupled with SIR/boy or SIR/pup. MANY or most times but not every time. You do not have to be interested in leather either in a fetish or a lifestyle to be a boy and have a SIR. The majority of time I do not wear leather..its just too hot in south Florida to wear it for most of the year. Keep your options open and explore. I think that the reason why they seem to always be coupled together is because the roots of SIR/boy come from leather way back in the 1940’s. In Europe its even older. I know pups that are not leather pups.. I know SIRS who dont ever wear leather and boys that are not into leather. The challenge on any level is finding what you seek…

  42. boy scott says:

    Dear Sir,
    Was wondering if you had any advice for titled Sir’s and boys pertaining to how a titled Sir should treat his titled boy when out in public. For instance is it appropriate for The Sir to completely ignore the boy while out together representing the titles?

    In Leather and service
    boy scott

    • hotsir says:

      Hi there boy scott,
      In one sentence, my opinion on this is a simple NO. It is NOT appropriate for the title SIR to completely ignore the title boy when they are out TOGETHER representing the title. VERY inappropriate and unprofessional to the title he is carrying for the year.


  43. Tom says:

    Sir, I have read your blog twice and loved it. I am a NEW boy and ache to submit totally to my Sir. Problem is Sir is a great guy but does not give me what I need or crave. I understand by submitting it is his will, Should I feel this way. Is it wrong of me to want more? Your Direction and insight is need Sir.

    • hotsir says:

      NO it is not wrong for you to want more..OR to want it all..You both have to be on the same page with wants and needs. You both need to compliment each other and respect needs and wants. MY question..Does he KNOW or REALIZE what you want or need?

      • Tom says:

        Sir, Yes, we have discussed it many times and he tells me he does not want to hurt me. I have also respectfully told him I need more (pain). He is very happy with me as his boy and has told others how I submit totally. I do want to make him happy. I know I am stronger one, and Sir loves to put me in my place but I know and crave more. Its kinda strange, I need to feel like he has ownership, and I dont.
        thank you sir for listening and any advise.

  44. Tom says:

    Sir I have not heard from you. And I really need your advise. Thank you Sir.

    • hotsir says:

      Sorry for the delay. This is not an easy issue to resolve since you are in the position to request but cannot demand what you seek. I would sit down and have a long conversation with him and you have to make it ABUNDANTLY clear as to what YOUR needs and wishes are. You must get through to him what you need what you crave and be VERY graphic and descriptive in your words. Make sure you are in a space that is safe and not to be disturbed by cell phones or conversations going on in the background. This seems to be an important issue for you and the way you are getting through to me, that’s how you MUST get this through to him. Dont hold back and if you have to show him how YOU wish to be treated by using your own hands ON YOURSELF as the method to show him then you must do that…

      • Tom says:

        Sir, thank you for insight. I have taken your advice and tried to speak with my SIR. I told him what I was feeling and what I needed, he told me I was his boy and should be thankful. I am very thankful, but I also told him I needed more. I even tried to talk to him man to man or a regular guy just talking, and still hit a brick wall. It took me a few days to understand where I went wrong. I realized I did not go wrong but was time to part ways. There is a part of me thats says I should have just been a good boy and do as im told, but the other part of me says if I was given even half of what I needed I could have been a very good boy. As of today we have no contact, and I have no sir. Again I thank you for your advise, I believe this has opened my eyes and given me the push I needed to leave.
        thanks you Sir.

  45. Andre Bolla says:

    Recently I was talking to my buddy about fisting rosebuds and sticking dildoes etc up your asshole could you please give me more information about this culture or direct me to someone who does I really appreciate your website and your thoughts
    Thanks for everything in advance
    Andre Bolla

  46. Sir Enzo says:

    OUTSTANDING !!!!! I really thought I was the ONLY Leather Sir left in the WHOLE ENTIRE WORLD that felt his way …. BRAVO SIR you made my 2016 start off right !!!! Thank you for validating me, allowing me to not feel stupid WARNING boys, pups and slaves what kind of NUT JOBS are out there. Thank you for letting me know all the time I take with a new sub in my leather and fetish shop isn’t a waste of time. Thank you for making me feel like I am a TOP /TOP that has feelings and can care for human life. Thank you for letting me realize a bachelors in Psychology is not the only reason I have this thought process.. ITS THE GOD HUMAN WAY OF LEATHER LIFE !!! THANK YOU SIR, HAPPY LEATHER AND HAPPY NEW YEAR !!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

  47. GlenPHX says:

    Hello Sir,

    I am looking to learn all that I can about becoming a Dom. Can you help guide me in the right direction? I like your blog and think you could really show me the way.

    Thank you.

  48. Wow. How interesting that I would stumble across this. I have always had interested in being a boy but I don’t even explore it because what I see seems so based on shaming and anything goes and I don’t want to be hurt or in an abusive relationship or get some STD or worse. I wanted to know if there was something better and there is from how you describe it…but I don’t see it anywhere and don’t know where to find what you describe. A BIG THANK you for describing my ideal dynamic that has been inside me, even if I don’t get to live that way or find it. At least I know it has existed and may still somewhere.

    • hotsir says:

      IT does exist but you have to find it. You look in a pile of glass and you find that one diamond in the glass. Put yourself out there and follow your heart and be careful in who you choose. It will happen.

  49. Steve says:

    Dear sir, i am fairly new to the leather community. I have met a man, bout 18 yrs my junior. We like each other very much. He ask me if he could call me Daddy and be his daddy.. He explained that me was looking for someone to train and nurture him, but honestly he has more knowledge than I do. And the situation is even more complicated. He has a vanilla partner, and I am married to a woman. He and I really enjoy each in and out of bed. I really enjoy whT he teaches me. Is it possible to be his Daddy, and learn together.

    • hotsir says:

      Learn FROM him and experiment with the dynamics. There is no right or wrong..its how YOU both choose to go on your journey’s together. Good luck!!

  50. Alvaro De Vega says:

    I really like all your information, thank you sir…I’m interested and attracted to the leather culture , I like leather , I’m a submissive bottom . I got involve online with somebody who try to dominate me without even meeting me and even I told him I didn’t have experience with toys he wanted to buy them with me paying the difference ot 300 dollars …my red light went on and finish that virtual weird relationship . I’m totally new & without experience at this , I need to learn more and how can I find a daddy? like it seems so difficult , I’m not attracted to the slave position I like the Daddy / boy better my other question is do you think I’m too old to became somebodies boy? I’m in my late 50s ,I grow up in a repressive country and I had to be in the closet for a long time , on top of that here in the USA I had been kind of in the closet but with my feelings even that people knows I’m gay. Love all your explanations, and I love how nice and caring you are, thank you again

    • hotsir says:

      Boy is a mindset. It has nothing to do with age. I know boys in their 70’s. If you feel as you are a boy..then be true to yourself and be a boy..

  51. Glenn says:

    Fantastic, makes me proud to be my Masters slave

  52. Kris says:


  53. slave g says:

    Good morning Hot Sir, Your blog is fantastic. I am in my early 60’s and only in the last couple of years have i found the courage to be who i really am. i am married with children etc but have finally found a Master that allows me to serve Him when i can. i know and he also knows that He owns me 24/7. i am His property for Him to use as He sees fit. Such a great feeling to serve a man far superior to Yourself and i count my blessings each day that i had the courage to reach out to him

  54. Glenn says:

    Hot Sir, i do not wish to seem impertinent, but You sound a lot like my Master, we had lengthy discussions via phone and email before We/we even met, and i have to admit, sex was not discussed until Our/our first face to face meeting. For this slave the ultimate is just to have the opportunity to serve Him, Him, His needs are far superior to mine. in the end i knew what He required of his boy/slave and i have had the pleasure of learning a great deal from Him. i will not say that it has been easy and i have caused Him a lot of stress and anxiety during this time because of my insecurities, but He must have seen that i was worth training. Age does not matter as i am in my early 60’s and my Master is 20 odd years younger. i thank the universe every day for being given this opportunity to serve a man far superior to myself. i meet a number of users before my Master and i think that is why i had so many insecurities, but with my Masters patience and understanding i am learning how to serve Men who are superior. Not all of us can be Men, there needs to be boy’s to serve them and i am proud to say that i am my Masters slave, His property.
    i thank You Hot Sir for allowing me this forum to express my thoughts and i look forward to learning from You as well. i have informed my Master that i have joined this forum and He has granted me permission to continue.
    Your humble servant
    slave g

  55. Glenn says:

    HotSir, Thank You Your humble servant appreciates the time that You give him. slave g

  56. brealbiy79 says:

    I need some help in becoming a boy and the sir I am with is not doing what he needs to be doing. What should I do?

    • Daddy Jim says:

      It’s not for me to tell you what to do since I don’t know you or the Sir in question. My question to you is this…what do YOU want to do and what is your gut telling you to do? Having an open frank discussion can never hurt because if you’re not happy you’ll leave. Saying nothing won’t work so the other alternative is to do something..

  57. Kenneth Paniello says:

    Thank you Sir. I appreciate your words of wisdom. I am a single boy who wishes to find a Sir. Like you said earlier, it takes time and patience. I am waiting on a Sir and hopefully it will develop into a relationship of a lifetime. It is weard that in my heart, my general feelings of a relationship is that exactly of a Sir and his boy with the respect and growth that each will develop with each other. You rock, SIR!

  58. slave g says:

    question if i may please Sir,
    i am a part time slave to a fantastic Master, but am also married with children etc.
    When my Master wants to fuck me i seem to be able to take it for a little while then it starts to be quite painful (not a pleasant pain) He has tried using more lube but that does not seem to help, what can i do to train myself to be able to enjoy the experience completely? my Master is the only one that i now allow to fuck me and this has been the case for a number of years, i do want to so much please Him and i feel as if i let him down when i use Our/our safe word.
    i do realise that this situation is my doing and that my Master is not at fault at all.
    my first experience of anal sex and or male/male sex was forced by three men (5 years ago), even though it was forced it made me realise what i needed to make me a complete person, even though the anal sex was quite painful in the beginning i realised that i wanted to enjoy it and by doing so i would be giving another man my total submission.
    Also, is it common for a slave not to have an erection during painful play, even though he is enjoying it very much and feels as if he is having an orgasm but does not physically cum.
    Your help and advise would be greatly appreciated by this unworthy slave,
    Thank You Sir
    slave g

    • Daddy Jim says:

      It’s very difficult for me to respond to specifics because I don’t know you or Master. Generally speaking, a lot of guys do not hold an erection while they get fucked. That’s perfectly normal. As for the other part of your note, the pain you are experiencing can be for many reasons. It could be physical or psychologically based and again I don’t know you I can’t comment on what the cause might be. Discuss this with Master and with a doctor to determine the cause.

      • slave g says:

        Daddy Jim,
        Thank You very much for Your reply it is greatly appreciated by this unworthy slave.
        I have started talking to my Master regarding my problem, He has told me that he will come up with a plan to train me to take Him for as long as He wants. He also believes that it may be a psychological block. I know that with his support, i will succeed, He also told me that my feelings regarding using Our/our safe word is ridiculous, as part of His enjoyment is also that i am enjoying it, even though as His slave i believe that my needs/wants are secondary to his and that He is using His property for His own benefit and enjoyment. (i hope that this makes sense to You) my only want/need is to ensure that my Master’s needs are fulfilled.
        Also thank You for Your answer to my erection problems it has eased my mind.
        my Master has asked me to convey His thanks to You for assisting His slave, He appreciates it very much.
        Thank You once again Daddy Jim, (my apologies for not call You Sir as i have been instructed not to call any other man/dominant.) i look forward to reading Your advice.
        Yours in service
        slave g

  59. Kenneth Paniello says:

    can a boy be uncollared by his Sir?

  60. slave g says:

    Yes, i believe that a Master has that right as does his property. In my limited experience i think it is essential in any M/s, D/s relationship that the Sir/Master and the boy/slave have a place and time to discuss any concerns on an equal basis. Speaking from a slave’s point of view i know that my Master insists that We/we have this time, it allows Both/both of You to express to Each/each other what is working and what is not working. It can be very difficult for the slave to know if he is serving his Master well and as he wishes, and i believe that the Master has the greatest difficulties in managing His slave. He has taken full responsibility for His property, and i thank my Master every day for what He does.
    slave g

  61. Kenneth Paniello says:

    Sounds like you have a fantastic relationship. While I don’t have a Sir, I one day want one. I am learning like a sponge everything I can so I can to serve to my best abilities when that day comes. Although i feel it natural to be a boy, I still want to be the best so when it happens he can be proud of me. Thank you very much..

  62. slave g says:

    Kenneth, you sound how i feel. i did not know what i needed until i met my Master to make me feel complete as a man. we are all different and complex. i for one am married with children and can only serve my Master on a part time basis, but we have built a relationship based mutual trust and respect and i and Him feel that i do serve Him 24/7. i wear what he calls a dress collar at all times, i have to email him daily, and do an entry in my journal at least once per week, plus i have certain rituals that he commands i do on a daily or weekly basis. Hang in there my friend, you will find a Master/Sir that will trust and respect you but most of all be careful there are a lot of users out there, trust Your instincts but above all be safe.
    slave g

  63. Kenneth Paniello says:

    Sounds great. I anxiously wait for that opportunity. I have a must value of trust with everyone. I feel if I can’t trust famiky, friends then why have them in my life. Thank you my new friend.

  64. slave g says:

    Any time my friend, please stay safe and be very careful, there are people out there who do care. Please stay in touch we all need friends that we can trust and tell all to without the wall that we build up around ourselves. g

  65. slave g says:

    Daddy Jim Sir, i apologise if by me replying to Kenneth was the incorrect thing to do.
    In Your service, slave g

    • Daddy Jim says:

      Feel free to converse. It also helps others see what other boys and slaves think and feel. It’s very appropriate!!

  66. Jonathan says:

    Wow lots of information here I wish I had found this ayear ago It would have really helped me out for some reason I’ve run into alot of aggressive Men ,Sir, Dom Daddies , Alpha Doms the list goes on I live in Florida in a area where it’s mainly older men with money and they like to hurt boys I don’t know why But I’m not bad I obey they just wanna hurt you I’ve been raped Now I’m on Truvada as prevention ugh just sucks cause I’m always scared to meet men now but this Blog will help out greatly and I appreciate it alot I know I’ll meet the right Sir one day…..

    Thank You Jim 😚

  67. Eric says:

    Thank you, Daddy Jim, for this blog. The values represented here align with my own values regarding how to conduct myself, and treat others. I’ve been “into leather” since my young teens; I’m now 48. I have no formal training or practice as either a boy or SIR, though I have always had a pull to both sides of such relationships and activities.

    There is a young guy expressing interest in some activity with me that would include some elements of what you discuss here, which is why I searched and found your site. I’m happy to find a primer that treats the importance of good values and proper behavior, over the mechanics of interactions, which seems to me, ought to come naturally.

    I noticed that this book exists for boys:

    Some of the comments would suggest it is also a good read for SIRs. Would you agree? Do you know of any that I might read for SIRs in particular?

    Thanks again.

  68. Eric says:

    I really like your focus on values and integrity. I am looking for a book to read on SIR/boy customs and practice. Does such a book exist?

  69. ericdaniel says:

    Thank you for this article. So good to hear a mature man focus on values, common sense, and treating yourself and others with dignity and respect. Does a book on the customs and practice of SIR/boy relationships exist?

    • Daddy Jim says:

      I am not familiar with books about Sir/boy relationships. The best advice I can give you is to go to amazon and out in key words and phrases which may yield some fruitful results.

    • Daddy Jim says:

      I don’t think there’s a book across the board to address this topic because each relationship is different. The specific protocols vary widely for each Sir/boy so what may work for one couple doesn’t work for another. It’s quite a diversity in the relationship dynamics. Each Sir and boy have different fetishes and needs. One size doesn’t fit all. The book you mention above in a previous comment written by Vince Andrews is a good book. He’s a buddy of mine and I know him!

  70. Sam says:

    When can I find actual books on the subject of daddy boy relationships. We are trying to define and learn what works best for us…. I learn better when I can read and study books…. the articles and blogs are great but I need professional education

    • Daddy Jim says:

      Sam. There is no book out there that’s going to tell you what’s good for you and how the two of you decide to define what you want. It’s a trial and error process. There was nothing when I was a young boy and there’s nothing now because of the uniqueness of each dynamic! You’ll learn what’s best for you outside of a book. Experience will teach you and will show you how to define what you both want and need from yourselves and each other.

    • Daddy Jim says:

      I hope this has been of some guidance for you!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s