WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN
I created these pages so that you may learn something a bit about the man I am and how I was raised as a leatherboy by an Old Guard SIR. I also want you to understand what the leather community means to me; my likes and dislikes, what I look for in boys who TRULY desire to surrender and what I require from them. There are plenty of places on the Internet for those who are interested in pics, sex websites and links to a 1000 S&M rings. I am not into bells and whistles nor do I care about awards from groups, counters of how many hits my site received or animated pics of guys having sex or showing off big steroided muscles. The mechanics of how you tie a knot, flog, screw, bondage, how much leather you wear or who you get off with, however many, don’t make a relationship. They make for sex and that’s about it.
The leather community to me has always meant family. We tend to rally around each other and come to another’s aid when he is in trouble. It is not uncommon for a leatherman to open his home up to another leatherman even if he is only an acquaintance because there is an unspoken brotherhood already established. I have taken leatherboys in off the street; NOT for sex but to clean them up and send them back home. These young men were abused by their so-called Daddies and told to use crystal meth, then thrown out when Daddy got tired of the sex or was too strung out to get it up anymore. I wonder how many of those who consider themselves REAL Leathermen would actually do that for a boy in need especially when there wasnt something in it for them? Not much of a community in my opinion. In the community that I know of and knew, there is a special camaraderie that you do not often see in the gay community at large. Where I part company, however, is in the area of how FAST and cheap sex has become. It appears now-a-days that everything is a SCENE. Bondage scene, sex scene, leather scene, fisting scene, this a scene that a scene everywhere a scene scene. You want a scene go to a damn Broadway show! We have lost MOST of the traditions I grew up with as a leatherboy. Relationships are disposable and intimacy takes a sad backdrop to getting off, or in other words, sex simply for sex sake; to get off, nothing more.
When a deeper connection is desired, the union between a SIR and his boy is a very special and tight bond. There is a certain understanding and communication that is unique to that type of relationship. I had a boy just the other day say to me that he views vanilla relationships in the gay community as “too straight”. Problems arise when the boy fails to communicate or the SIR begins to abuse the boy.
I feel that the biggest misconception viewed by others is our seemingly brutal and often vicious methods in dealing with sex and doling out punishment, bondage, and/or discipline. I have heard many over the years, including myself when I was a boy, that within that pain is an overwhelming pleasure that has released a freedom and ecstasy that is beyond human language. It reaches beyond a physical orgasm into areas that I cannot describe except to say, for me it was like breathing in the fresh ocean air on a hot summers day, feeling the heat of the sun on my body and reaching a climax all at the same time; and yet it was more; so much more. It is a total and pure unadulterated surrendering of the body, mind and soul for the boy to place his being into his SIRS hands! Sir and boy feed off of each other and as time progresses the feedings become larger, for a sense of trust strengthens and knowledge of how to eat from one another becomes familiar and thus the bond which was established grows stronger.
I chose to begin with boys first since I have the utmost respect for them, and, being a boy myself for a long period of time (10 yrs) to one man, I understand how difficult it can be at times to follow orders and do as you’re told. Its one thing to sit there and tell everyone what to do but quite another to get off your ass and do it, even if you don’t want to; and, having been in that position, I understand things from a boys point of view in an intimate manner.
IT is VERY important for the boy to communicate his limits, special needs and concerns (such as HIV) to the man he wishes to surrender or submit to. I have found too many men out there who have no clue on what to do, who log in one day and decide to be a top or because they have steroided muscles and are big built, that they are the one to be in charge with absolutely no idea of anything, other than sticking their wanker up a mans butt. Then there are those who are young and at the ripe old age of 18 they call themselves MASTERS even though they are still in high school and living with mommy n daddy. The boys must be especially cautious since they can be physically hurt or psychologically damaged by these idiots. I have heard of many stories from guys who had this happen, by so-called Masters in their 20’s who up and decided that this was who they were without any training other than reading a book or looking through a leather magazine.
Boys also need to be EXTREMELY careful if they are HIV negative and the SIR is positive since one slip up and you can become easily infected. You need to make SURE not to allow anyone tie you up who may then penetrate you when you have no way to get out. Its AS important even if BOTH parties are positive since the virus mutates and if it becomes resistant to all meds, you face an uncertain future! The final decision is up to you but PLEASE think about this before you act..Once you become infected with HIV to which there is still no cure, the side effects of the meds are toxic and the cost is 2 to 4000 dollars a month; so you’d better have good health insurance! In addition, there are other viruses out there, much MORE aggressive than HIV; such as hepatitis A, B, C (A and B have vaccines and you NEED to get them NOW; Hep C has no vaccine OR real treatment and is VERY severe, leading to cancer and liver shutdown which = death). Can be spread by sucking, rimming, fucking; basically blood and semen (cum). The next is herpes which is also forever (HHV) Human Herpes Virus, where your penis (head and/or shaft) breaks out in painful oozing sores from time to time and it IS spread VERY easily. You can get this from sucking OR if you even just lie back and have someone suck YOU and you do NOTHING BACK! It can be spread by kissing also and unprotected anal sex. The next less serious is (HPV) Human Papilloma Virus or the more common name, genital warts, anal warts. these are also very contagious and can be spread just from rubbing your genitals on each other. Do your research, read up, and educate yourself on how to protect your health! There are indeed other ways of catching these diseases but remember, they ARE called Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STD) and are mostly spread by sexual contact and therefore am limiting my expose to this.
If you are a boy looking for a relationship rather than a quick lay, then you need to NOT give yourself to just anyone who wants to use you. I have found that when you give yourself too fast, you get kicked to the curb the next day or the next week and its time to move on crap. If you only want to trick and go from bed to bed that’s fine, just don’t bitch about the fact that you can’t find anyone, because you don’t find a partner based on how well you perform in bed. No matter HOW incredible you are, the newness WEARS OFF, PERIOD! DONT allow ANY so-called MASTER or SIR use you unless he has intentions of training you for permanent keep or unless you dont mind being used and let go or you are not seeking a relationship. Again the choice is yours. Whatever your choice, dont bitch. Either go after what you truly seek or shut up when things dont go your way. NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE, is THAT special.
Meeting the prospective SIR for the first time should be done in public. Make sure someone knows where you are with an address and phone number. If the SIR doesn’t provide this and wants all YOUR information but doesn’t offer his, then back off. Dont meet in secluded places or hotel rooms unless someone knows where you are. I have known my share of boys who were beaten severely and a few raped and infected so avoid this. Several have been killed when the situation went bad. Leather S&M has very honorable men but its difficult to decide who’s honorable and who’s a nut job. Is best to err on the side of caution.
The last aspect for the boys I wish to address is the touchy subject of the SIR already having a long-term lover; especially when one is into leather and one isn’t. Many times those already involved have grown sexually tired of each other, so one partner goes out and explores his sexuality in order to spice it up since he isn’t getting it from his lover. He finds a submissive boy to use hence his journey into leather. It appears that most of these men who have long-term partners end up as SIRS for whatever reason. DO these ever evolve into anything long-term? Hard question to answer. I know some who left their long time vanilla companion for their destiny to be with the boy of choice, but much of the time it’s just a short-term affair. Usually the vanilla parter gets really pissed off and forces the hand of the leatherSIR with the boy to dump that boy. (Who’s in charge of who here, SIR or the vanilla parter?)
In ending, I cannot stress to you boys out there to take heed on these issues. Be prudent in who you give your body to and combine following your heart, your head and your dick into one and don’t let one win out over the other. As we say in Greek, you dont look for pearls in shit; neither should YOU!
It took me a long time to think about this section. I feel that the responsibility of being in charge; teaching, guiding and leading anyone is an enormous task; let alone coupling that with someone you are involved in a relationship. It is so much more than what goes on in the bedroom; although it would appear now-a-days that nothing other than what goes on in the bedroom with the most amount of guys to play with is the beginning and the end all of who we are as leathermen.
Your obligations as SIR to your sub are great indeed. You represent authority; sexually and otherwise, and it is NOT something to be taken lightly. If you want to embark on this journey, you cannot wake up on a Monday morning and feel like being someones top, declare yourself a MASTER, make up a screen name, go online, and behave as if you know what the hell you’re doing. The damage you can cause can be permanent to the boy; both on a physical as well as emotional and mental level.
To those that are indeed serious about embarking on this journey need to do their research. There are so many varying points of view out there today that it would be good for you to go to leather runs, meetings, events and find out where you feel at ease. Can you experiment sexually; of course, and you can also learn from some good bottom boys who have plenty of experience, aside from other SIRS. Some men are naturally dominant and they can make good Daddies/SIRS, provided they leave themselves open to learn and grow. The community isn’t all that big so if you get a bad rep as a SIR, understand that the word WILL get around. People naturally talk. On the other hand if you have a good rep, that gets around also.
ITs important to learn about technique in bondage, electro, wax, w/s, ff, flogging just to mention a few. You need to know the “how to’s” so you dont hurt anyone. Dont feel embarrassed..ask.
As you know, there are many more bottom boys out there than good SIRS or ANY kind of SIR for that matter so you will have a field day in choosing from all the pups out there. Dont ever let a boy wrest control from you; for any reason. IF the boy tops from the bottom then the entire dynamics of the relationship change; and if that’s what you want, then its ok. If the boy is sick, make sure it is YOU who sends him to bed before he can opt to go there for himself. Being affectionate is fine as well as kissing him. However, there are many boys out there who are experienced and know how to manipulate their SIRS by cajoling, nagging, intimidating among others. I once had a boy who had HIV and used every means at his disposal to get his way; using the HIV card to get away with EVERYTHING. There was nothing wrong with his physical health and he tried to intimidate and bully me. To say the least, the boy is LONG gone out of my service. As SIR, you can take your boys suggestions into account as well as his feelings and even ask him for advice if you feel it would be practical and appropriate, but most times, the decisions are yours. However, in my personal opinion, try to keep the boy in mind though when you make decisions, even if you dont tell him or admit to it. Keep in mind that there are so many subtleties in any relationship that it would be beyond the scope of this site to address every issue.
Always respect the man who serves you well. It pisses me off to see these so-called Masters treat their animals better than a human being who is taking care of them. You can be whatever you wish to be toward the boy but do so with respect, even when you feel sadistic. I like to call it *benevolent sadism*. Feed into your boys fetishes. Give him his needs and you will be served WELL! I was told about 10 yrs ago by a Master who visited NYC from Los Angeles (he had 4 slaveboys) that, “a good MASTER is the slave to his boys needs.”
A collar is of course circular. It is an outward sign of a commitment given to the boy by his Master or Sir. It is similar in meaning to a wedding ring but worn around the neck instead of the finger. IT is NOT given after an hour trick or a weekend tryst. The collar signifies that the boy belongs to that SPECIFIC man to be guided and treated with respect; NOT abused.
I know of a guy who actually keeps a collar in the trunk of his car just in case he finds some unsuspecting boy who knows no better and gives the collar “just because”. Its his way of getting laid and making that boy feel special but of course there’s no real value behind this since that collar has had more performances than Cats on Broadway. There are quite a few guys who fall for this because they have no one out there to teach them what a scam artist this guy is pulling on them just to get off.
The next bit of garbage is the Engagement Collar. I actually have no clue as to what the guy was talking about. This boy’s Sir used this term and in all my 33 years I have NEVER heard of it. MY opinion on this given what the boy told me was that he wouldn’t really put out until he felt that SIR was giving the boy a genuine committment, so SIR made up the name, gave him this chain and called it an engagement collar. I advised the boy who didn’t take my advisement and 3 weeks later SIR got what he wanted and he dumped the boy. Idiots like this who refer to themselves as SIRS make it extremely difficult and frustrating for the rest of us who ARE genuine.
The final story I am putting on here ( I have many many others ) I heard from a good friend of mine who’s a good boy and title holder. This is about a Master and his slave who wanted a collar. The slave found a collar that looked SO good on him that the Master decided that it in fact did look good on him so the slave was allowed to buy his collar and wear it. I laughed so hard I almost pissed my jeans. When does ANY sub, let alone a slave, get to pick out and BUY his own collar and where does the slave get off REQUESTING to have one because it looks SO good on him and when does the slave get to try on various collars?? My final question. Whats wrong with this entire picture???
I was taught that a collar was usually given AFTER a significant amount of time had passed and usually the SIR MAKES the collar for the boy. It’s NOT a designer collar of couture. As for myself, I buy the raw materials, chain, leather etc and I make the collar for the boy. Some SIRS will choose to have a formal ceremony and others will do it privately. In addition there are usually two collars; one for when the boy is at home or with friends or at a bar or club, and one for when the boy goes or work and cant wear the more substantial collar due to work restrictions.
As for myself, I still wear my former SIRS collar which is 18K gold and given to me after knowing him for 25 years. The collar, which you may be able to see in my photos, will NEVER come off until he dies. Even though I am not his boy, I wear it out of respect for that man who taught me everything I now know. I still refer to him as SIR and there are still certain behaviors and conducts I still adhere to even after 33 years of knowing him. I will discuss these in the PROTOCOL section below.
In closing this section, if you don’t understand the difference between a weekend trick and long-term training, you have no business either giving out a collar or accepting one. You dont throw around a collar anymore than you would throw around the word AIDS, Hepatitis C, or love.
The word protocol seems to be a dirty concept. IT appears that it’s a virtual free-for-all with everyone doing anything they wish to do with whoever they want to do it with. There is a sense of utter disrespect for the very word relationship. SIRS can leave their boys and screw around with whoever they wish and coerce the boy to screw around with someone the boy doesn’t like simply because THEY CAN.
Boys want to go off and have other play partners for whatever reason. They have boyfriends, husbands, lovers AND their SIR. Now I was in a polyamorous family with 4 other boys but my SIR didnt trick around with anyone and neither did the boys. When I mention the word Leather Family, honor and protocol, you would have thought I wished someone AIDS.
I have gone into leather events, bars or Runs and if they see me with an attractive boy they will go right up to him and grab his ass without ANY thought to the fact that this guy is with me. On the other hand I have had boys come right up to me even when I am with someone and will almost push the guy out of their way to talk to me and ignore them. There is a TOTAL lack of judgment and respect because, after all, ALL leathermen are pigs and in it only for sex, right? I find the majority of men who refer to themselves as leathermen to be ignorant because they have never been taught protocol in social situations. I prefer to call them men wearing leatherdrag for the sake of getting off. Thats all it is.
There are certain common sense guidelines in various social situations. If SIR wishes to converse with someone, he usually sends his boy to ask the guy to come over. SIR NEVER disrespects his boy by constantly wanting other guys to screw. Thats downright obnoxious and toxic. Flirting is one thing but demanding the boy accept a total stranger and trick just because that’s what SIR wants for the moment is UNACCEPTABLE and the boy should judge for himself if this was a one time thing or is this a consistent pattern. Usually its a consistent pattern. The boy needs to decide if he wishes to tolerate a SIR who wants every boy he sees. Those dynamics will always cause a relationship to fail.
Then there are the boys who have *other* relationships. How in Gods name can a boy wish to serve BUT have other relationships where his attention isn’t focused on his SIR because he has spread himself out with other men? Over the long run these relationships usually don’t work because SOMEONE has to be the primary relationship and if the SIR tolerates that he ISN’T the FIRST priority then I question how much of a SIR he actually is. For single boys, it is fine to approach a SIR with respect, not a comment on his genitals or muscles. Yeah it will get you sex (maybe), if thats all you want, but if you don’t respect yourself don’t expect him to respect you or want anything else from you but yer ass..and then don’t bitch about the fact you cant find anyone when you got yer as all over the city givin’ it away. Any relationship worth anything takes time and effort and is not based on yer sexual gymnastics.
In closing this section, if there’s a lack of protocol within the SIR/boy dynamics, the relationship usually changes into a non SIR/boy dynamic. I cannot stress enough the importance of protocol because when you break that dynamic, you change the bond and you can never go back to what you lost. Usually by this point both guys are seeking other play buds/tricks/relationships and usually with other men that HAVE the dynamic that they lost with the original partner.
Many into this lifestyle are under the assumption that training refers to sexual and nothing more. With many men I have encountered, when someone refers to training it usually means what the SIR likes in bed; his wants, needs and fetishes. Since most of life is lived outside of bed, training refers to the submissive and how he needs to be taught (trained) to his SIR’s needs and wants. Each persons technique varies greatly but there is common ground. Training/teaching share core values that the submissive be treated with respect. Being beaten only serves the purpose to serve out of fear not loyalty, love or devotion and over the long haul it usually doesn’t work or last unless of course the submissive ENJOYS pain and being beaten. The specifics of those dynamics are VERY individualized and it would be ludicrous for me to get into them because we all have different needs with whom we choose to share our attention, love and our bed.
Giving you my particular needs and fetishes also serves no purpose for you who are reading this. It is up to you to determine what works within your encounters and relationships but everyone should be treated appropriately and accordingly WITH respect. Punishment is another vastly misused word. I hear all the time, “I have been a bad boy Daddy. I need to be punished.” Since when does punishment involve getting your fetishes met? Punishment in sexual play is quite different from punishment for an infraction. However most times when it comes to gay men it’s a sexual fetish which has NOTHING to do with the realities of being punished. I usually stop them dead in their tracks when I tell them that, “you DONT want me to punish you because it’s not going to be pleasant. Punishment is not a mode for you to get off, boy.” Theres no need for me to get into MY specifics because you need to find your own as the SIR. As for the boy..DONT ask for punishment because the worst punishment is when you are IGNORED!!!
Last but not least; LEARN LEARN LEARN. Never feel you know it all or let your ego get in the way of going forward. You will never know it all. NEVER!