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40th Anniversary: COMING UP!

Perception. MY 40th YEAR in leather is coming up in just a few short months. To the best of my recollection it was sometime right after gay pride/July 4th? I don’t recall the EXACT day I met SIR. That journey at the age of 20 saw huge change and risk. I had 4 other boys to contend with, (I was the youngest) a slave (whatever the hell that was) and 3 dog boys (3 big German guys who were on all 4s and naked much of the time which scared the living shit out of me) What the hell was a dog boy? A manimal? HUH? I didn’t know what any of it meant. Over the following TEN YEARS I learned..BOY DID I LEARN. I experienced a lot of shit, growing pains and trying to at least make the unfamiliar familiar. For the first 2 years I didn’t understand a lot of it. I knew however there was love..THAT I knew.
Now my Observation. I often wonder why people don’t come ask me for help or advice. They will PAY for classes from those with less than HALF the time I have put in. INFORMATION was always given FREELY. NOT to make a profit from! THATS BULLSHIT! They will talk about their issues TO ME; HOWEVER, if you don’t ask me for advice or assistance I am not going to offer it because you can always tell me to mind my own business and THATS not happening. ITs ok if you don’t want my help, opinion, advice or what have you; BUT then you have no right to come to me and wonder why I didn’t butt in and then tell me that in no uncertain terms. You either suck it up and ASK ME or SHUT the hell up and DO NOT bitch to me as to WHY I didn’t say anything..WHY? YOU DIDNT ASK ME!!!!!!! One more thing, if you ask you’re going to get my truthful opinion or advice. Im not looking to win a popularity contest or a sash by blowing smoke up your ass or giving you lip service yes-ing you to death just to get you to like me. I’m not Sally Field. Not Happening.

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I’m a DREAMER

I got that from my father. I dream and have always dreamed. Sometimes in life thats all I had. I have been very busy the past months creating a new version of an award for the Leather Community. I did NOT invent the name but I revamped and changed the entire structure of the award. Its called the Leathertarian Award. It was first born in 2006 in Florida but I NEVER liked the way it was given; and it was only given out in 2006 and 2007. Two people decided on who received it with no input from anyone else. AS much as the two who won a piece of print paper certificate deserved the award, it didn’t seem to really hit the core of what the name of the award stood for. Humanitarian/leathertarian..sounds similar but I was thinking about how many deserving souls were out there and because two people cannot decide who should or shouldn’t receive an award this important and a piece of print paper with some colors on it and someones name didn’t seem to be at all appropriate or enough for community work. Fast forward to 2013. I finally decided to get off my ass and DO something. I created a logo, bought a domain name and had the name trademarked with the USPTO (United States Patent and Trademark Office) in Washington DC. I footed the entire bill for this award so it can NEVER be used other than for this award. I looked across the country for a panel consisting of 6 individuals in the community who are distinguished and well known; one of whom won the original award back in 2007. THEY will be deciding who is chosen. I am not in the process. Right now the Award is exclusive to those living in the USA. We may decide to expand next year to Canada but we want to work out any issues that may arise since this is the VERY FIRST year. Cash awards of 500 dollars for male, 500 for female and 1000 dollars for the Leathertarian Lifetime Award. There are no fundraisers because I am supplying the cash awards so there will NEVER be and issue of mismanagement, misappropriations or downright stealing. For complete information please go to the website for the details,  www.theleathertarianaward.com

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Grinding My Gears

I got this phrase from Peter Griffin, Family Guy episode. To change that to what I am writing about…There are people in the Leather Community who are older than I am and who feel they are the Leather Police of the entire country. They go around asking about EVERYONE and then go on line to look for them to see if they are located on Police Records, sex offender records and other public records. If they find anything on you they take it upon themselves to OUT YOU to everyone in the name of making them fess up and be honest. What they are actually doing, and seem to take GREAT pleasure in, is causing a lot of trouble for those who have indeed been in trouble. They take great pleasure in doing this. Vindictive bitter people I say who have nothing else left in their lives. They lost their looks, their hair is gray and they are trying to keep whats left of their self importance and their stature in the leather community by trashing others. As they say, MISERY LOVES COMPANY!!

I have personally overheard one of the “leather police” saying…..do you know so and so? I’ve never heard of him/her. Well just because you didn’t hear of this person doesn’t mean they weren’t around. You know EVERYONE in the entire United States? REALLY? Well I went to such and such bar, club, leather event and “I” never saw them there! So I guess because they weren’t there the night that YOU were MUST mean they’re phonies. What kind of bullshit is that? THEN they get insulted when you tell them that you DO know so and so and YOU saw them at such and such place..Well THAT doesn’t mean ANYTHING to them because THHEEEEYYYY didn’t see them there!!

WHO THE HELL made YOU the overseer of the entire leather community in the ENTIRE 50 States? Get over yourselves. You’re not young anymore; you’ve been replaced; people don’t like being around you because you’re always so negative, miserable and bitter so please just go to your own table and be miserable on your own, thank you..

Next. There’s No such thing as the Council of Elders who oversaw everything that went on in the Leather community..Plain and simple that’s all BULLSHIT. Moving on…

Old Guard Leather is a misnomer..IT was Leather..They were gay leather bikers/ex-soldiers kinky men who got together and formed bonds and alliances…..There’s nothing mystical or magical. there are those who romanticize it…Well thats sweet but not accurate..I am sure some of these men fell in love with each other and I’m sure that there was romance to some degree but I cannot speak for everyone; actually anyone,  but what I saw and experienced. Again, and this is MY opinion…I think the tradition and protocol was borne out of the structure and discipline of the military for these ex gay leather biker soldiers…it was however different to some degree for them…I wasn’t there (am not that old) but from what was told to me…those guys were about sex and kink…The one thing and the ONLY thing I am sure about is that if you were TRULY a part of them, YOU WERE PROTECTED. They were loyal to each other ..They could get into fistfights amongst themselves but if someone attacked one of their own…look out!

When I speak, I NEVER speak for EVERYONE. I don’t speak for ANYONE but what I saw, experienced and the stories I heard, and trust me, I NEVER romanticize it. I don’t know everything and I am sure it was different from what I was told, in various parts of the country. I’m not the leather police or an authority.

I get VERY annoyed when the older ones attack the younger guys coming into kink and leather. Rather than poke fun of them try taking one under your guidance to teach them what you know from YOUR perspective. Remember its YOUR take on it NOT the gospel truth according to so and so. You put out the info and let them take from it what they want. I also get very annoyed when the young guys cop an attitude when thy know nothing about anything then take on a boy, throw collars around then do a GREAT deal of damage to other young guys who believe and hang on every word they say. THIS is a BIG problem! I want to speak to those young 20 something boys..Just because the guy is young and hot doesn’t mean he knows ANYTHING. Try going to the older guy WITH experience for mentoring. REMEMBER THIS… EXPERIENCE TRUMPS YOUTH EVERY TIME. To the older guy..DON’T use the kid sexually to make yourself feel better because you’re getting older and graying, and you want a trophy to show off……Give the boy your best and you’ll gain a boy for the rest of your LIFE even if he never serves you sexually!

 

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COLLAR COLLAR EVERYWHERE…

I have been hearing a lot about collaring lately. We have the following for your amusement and enjoyment:

1. Engagement collar    (I don’t know what the hell this is or means!!)

2. Collar of Intention     (Intention for a REAL collar so you put on a fake one?)

3. Collar of Protection   (Protection from who or what, the boogie man?)

4. Training Collar           (You need a collar to be trained? What are you, a seal?)

5 Weekend Collar          (A weekend collar to make you feel better about not REALLY being wanted for more than 2 days?)

6. Permanent Collar      (Ah Yes, the EARNED collar! Finally one that makes sense!)

 

I don’t believe from the stories I have been told (in NYC),during the time before me, that the gay soldiers who came home from WW2 and formed their motorcycle/leather groups had SIX different stages of collars. IF you can tell me that these existed then please cite your source..because I can cite mine!

When a biker/leatherguy who tended to be more dominant wanted someone as his, he threw a collar around his buds neck with his buddies watching on and sometimes he just did it on his own. P E R I O D! By the time I came along it was more of a significant occasion where the friends got together and a small private ( I wont use the word ceremony) event happened. There was only one collar, the permanent (#6) one, the meaningful one making me his boy. No weekend (#5) was given to me because I was wanted for more than 2 days. Training ( #4) was done all along, not for a specified period of time and I was with him so no protection (3) was needed and he made his intentions (#2) clear to me and again WTF is the engagement (#1) collar?

This brings us to TODAY…and ALL i can say is WTF is THIS all about? Do you move from collar to collar or do you eventually wear all six because they were given TO you?

You want to make up all this shit because you *think* this is what the history was and you want to make the boy think you are a wealth of historical knowledge on the subject…SURPRISE…YOU’RE NOT!! These “collars” for whatever intent and purpose were fabricated off the cuff like the collars today are off the rack. Do I know EVERYTHING? NO and I NEVER claimed to and I NEVER WILL KNOW EVERYTHING, but after almost 40 years in this lifestyle, I have NEVER ever heard of these names other than to impress the boy who knows little to NOTHING!

The majority of guys don’t even know what the permanent collar signifies so they give them out like souvenirs. You want a souvenir, go to the Empire State Building and BUY ONE!! I remember one year at MAL this guy, who already had a boyfriend came in with and I kid you not, 10 collars calling them weekend collars for the boys he thought were hot. He proceeded to tell me that these jerks will believe anything if you get dressed up in leather drag..He was right. It worked and he gave out the majority of these 10 collars that he bought…I am sure that whenever I saw him trying to put one on a guy after 10 minutes that I got to the boy and gave him a quick lesson in what a collar means..He ended up shoving those collars up his ass because I wouldn’t let him use those young guys who knew no better. I see this all the time. HOWEVER you get these smooth talking guys who look the part of Daddy but who don’t know jack shit about anything and can sell an Eskimo snow and the boy is SO enamored with a guy he really doesn’t know that he ends up blindly believing the crap that comes out of the “daddy’s” mouth. Then you get the young “Dom” ones (I don’t refer to a 25 yr old as a SIR and DEFINITELY not a Master) who dates young guys who know nothing and again they throw collars around like they’re playing horse shoes. This alone tells you that these guys are just playing leather until the time when THEY THEMSELVES understand the significance behind what they gave and the time to grow, and by time I don’t mean several months..

They will come into their own but that takes time and mentoring..

Then the WORST of them all. The OLDER ones who can pull off the Daddy look but they know NOTHING about being a Daddy, a SIR or a MASTER. All they do is wear the clothes and spout bullshit. These guys are usually found out rather quickly and exposed for being the phonies they are; usually after they have gone through a number of boys collaring them then throwing them out and finding a new victim. these guy will collar boys every few months, use them, dump them then move on to the next one..and they get away with it for awhile but the community comes to find out about him and usually hes not well liked to begin with. They do the most damage telling the boy hes useless and worthless. Truth being it is the DADDY who is useless and worthless. Why would you EVER say that to ANY boy who has served you? Because you’re an ass-wipe.

In the end it all comes out in the wash… ALL!

 

 

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TELL IT

I posted this on Facebook and I had such a large response that I felt it necessary to place it here for the ENTIRE internet to see.

 

I often write posts on HIV and safer sex. When HIV began I was in my late 20’s and I was terrified. I stopped having sex when I saw how those men were dying horrific deaths. The media also put out the alarm and showed awful photos of men nearing the end weighing 60 pounds. Those images still haunt me today. I have to say something here. BEFORE HIV began, I did things, and in looking back, are considered reckless now; i.e; hustling (escorting) and porn movies. I LOVED all the attention and sex and I was a damn PIG, PERIOD!! I had a Fraking BLAST. It was one BIG party and I was a STAR!! Point being, I NEVER EVER had safer sex. There was no need to. If I was 22 or 23 years old now and I **DIDN’T** see what I did, I’m not so sure what I would do. YES, I am NOT sure I would always be safer. Does it make me a hypocrite, you tell me! For **ME**, safer sex is easy **BECAUSE** of what I saw and continue to see. However, Guys are going to do what they want to do and if you didn’t see what I did you have no history of how traumatic it was. I suffer from PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) because of the war I was in. I give the info and leave the rest up to you WITHOUT judgement. I will CONTINUE to bring you info as best I can but I wont run from you or make ANY judgements if you get infected with HIV or ANYTHING else. YOU can count on me to care about you with integrity and dignity, to help direct you to treatment and to listen to you if you need to talk. NO ONE should have to give up sex out of fear…be it 1985 or 2013; whether you are 25 or 75 and NO ONE should have to deal with stigma…OF ANY KIND for ANY reason!

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The NEXT Installment

I was blown away by yesterday. I had more view and visitors in one day than ever before. I like that. It means I am getting to the point of things…I wish more would comment on them though…hint. You don’t have to agree with me on anything I write but if you are going to disagree then do so with a differing point of view and not some rant that makes no sense. I welcome and enjoy intelligent comments and discussions.

Do you ever notice (I know I do) when people need you they call you or want your attention then when they have no more use for you for that time, you don’t hear from them? Whats that about? I have people in the leather community who vanish off the face of the earth until they need advice or a favor. Don’t people call each other up just to shoot the shit anymore? I don’t understand THIS facet at all. Is there something wrong with ME, that I enjoy hearing from those I care about without me having to ask for something, or money or time or to volunteer?

I hate that feeling when I will call someone up and I get the distinct impression that I am personally invading their space and annoying them. They don’t say anything but you can sense the “what the hell do YOU want” in their voice. Now here’s the funny part, when they call YOU and you aren’t available or busy, they have the balls to get pissed off and if you don’t return a call within an hour you get a second phone call..You know what I have learned to do?? I make you WAIT 3 or 4 days. If you are going to treat me like that thinking you’re THAT special; you don’t know how special I AM then!!

We need to treat each other with more concern and respect. Don’t make me feel like I am only there for you at YOUR convenience, whether its because you have or had a title, are hot, or accomplished or young or what have you. If you treat me with disregard then don’t expect a quick  call back when YOU decide to need me for something in YOUR life. That’s bullshit. IF you don’t know how to give respect in order to earn it back, then you will have very little dealings with me on ANY level. I will give my time and service to those who understand that a relationship is a two way street, not just at YOUR need or convenience.

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FORGING CHAIN

IN a previous post I wrote about broken chains. Ok in my opinion the chains are broken that bind men together. How do we forge new chains?

We need organizations and groups that do NOT have contests. The men get together for fun friendship brotherhood and whatever else happens to happen. You want to have sex, GREAT. You dont want to have sex, GREAT. You can do this on a local level, regional level or national level. We already have that in C.L.A.W which is my favorite weekend of the year.

We need more LOCAL leather groups or runs. You shouldn’t have to travel and spend tons of money just to meet other leather guys unless you live in an area where you have no choice but to travel…and the focus doesnt need to be spending mega bucks on leather. Its more about the socialization and commonality of desires in leather that bring us together..WE HAVE FORGOTTEN ALL OF THIS!!

I feel there already is that big non contest event in C.L.A.W. which stands for Cleveland Leather Awareness Weekend. Having a regional get together of some sort would also be a GREAT idea. Again no contest or producer needed.

In all of these events, there should be demos and classes FREE OF CHARGE. Information should be passed down freely NOT charged for. You get together for dinner and everyone pay their bill, not some pre fixed menu where the organizer gets a CUT of the money for himself..thats MORE bullshit. Now if the money were to go to a charity, different story. Guys should be able to bring their leather goods to sell them WITHOUT paying a HUGE vendors fee and again with someone getting a cut of the action. IF you make the leather you should get to keep all the money of the products you sell, PERIOD. Things need to change and chain needs to be forged so that men can simply come together and ENJOY who they are WITH LIKE minded men.

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Talkin’ bout my Generation

For those who don’t know, That’s a song by Roger Daltry of the WHO. I’m going to talk about a HUGE pet peeve of mine..the younger leathermen who snicker, poke fun and make NASTY comments to those of the older guys who came before them. I want to start out by saying that if it weren’t for the older guys you make fun of, you jackasses wouldn’t have the freedom you do to act like a bunch of young spoiled bastards. There, now that I got that of my chest I will go into more specifics.

I  have been to MANY events and I specifically find this nasty catty talk at the bigger events. The smaller events have a down home feel and the older guys are looked up to by the younger guys for their experience and wisdom. The larger events which draw the young hot twinks who wear leather couture ONCE a year are the nastiest pieces of shit I have ever encountered. Another reason why I don’t attend big events.

All these young guys in their leather, looking hot, with no gray hair or wrinkles who are stared at, desired and everyone is falling all over themselves to get AT them. They get away with calling themselves boy, SIR, MASTER of the Universe, Lord Prince Dom or whatever the hell they choose to call themselves. There was a 22 year old MASTER DADDY who got away with it because he was jacked up on steroids and the leather looked good on him. Reality check fellas. They don’t know their ASS from their ELBOW and they don’t know what to do with either! The wrapping may look good on the outside but when you open the package its EMPTY…or better yet its full of shit like they are.

Is EVERY single young guy in leather like that? OF COURSE NOT. There’s always exceptions. HOWEVER they ARE the exceptions. The young ones will pass up the guy with gray hair to go screw around with some other young thang who offers NOTHING but his youth. That’s pathetic. When they finally decide to try out someone past 40, they all seem so amazed on what they learned..Well MAY BE if you weren’t such a narrow minded jackass, you wouldn’t have wasted your time getting off with someone who knows little to nothing and getting nothing more than losing some protein.

Then lets go to Facebook. That’s another trip and a half. There are guys on those pages with decades of experience and yes they aren’t nearly as hot as the young ones..GUESS who gets all the attention? JUST GUESS? I know a guy who I will call Billy. (not his real name). Hes in the leather community and in his 20’s. He gets 50 to 60 friend requests PER DAY AND they call him SIR or Daddy and has over 3000 followers. Yes that’s right, THREE THOUSAND. Do you know how many the older guys have? 2 to 3 hundred.  WTF? The guys who have EARNED that title and could REALLY be of service and assistance don’t even get a notice. This runs across the gamete of ALL ages. They will agree with ANYTHING he says or does and I mean ANYTHING. WHY? He’s young and hot..and REALLY knows nothing. He loves the attention and goes with it. I’m not even going to go into whats wrong with this entire thing. It should be obvious and if its not then its not worth my time explaining it. They don’t even ASK the older guys for information or mentoring. They go after the young ones because they think they will get a piece of ass out of the deal so they will say whatever they need to…WHATEVER THEY NEED TO.

I have on NUMEROUS occasions, overheard these arrogant kids criticize and make fun of older leather men, some of them my family and if you know me, you KNOW that you DON’T mess with my family!!!!  I will turn to them and tell them that yes hes older but what makes you think he would even bother with you? Because you’re young and you think you’re so hot in your leather costume? I then tell them that many older leathermen don’t do children because guys like you have NOT a FU$KING thing to offer them.

In thinking about this, another BIG chain link that’s broken. There is no respect for history and for those that forged a path..

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Leather runs

From my last post I’m not even sure than EVERYONE who reads this will know what a Leather Run is. What it is, is a gathering of men (and sometimes women depending on the club sponsoring the run) where there is NO contest, NO producer. Often its connected to the clubs anniversary so they are usually once a year. Its full of camaraderie, fun, dancing drinking and generally just having a great time with those who you enjoy sharing good times with. I have been to two in the past several months. I am associate members of both because I do not live close enough to pledge for full membership. The first was the Trident Knights Anniversary run and the other was the First Coast Leather Society Anniversary (FCLS) run. I also want to interject here that there are women events too with leathermen being welcomed such as the Women’s International Leather Fest (WILF) which I have attended and had a wondeful time,  just not as many.

I cannot even begin to tell you how much fun I had at both. You are with your chosen leather family and its a long weekend to talk and just have a good time..is there sex? Well DUH..of course..you can have as much or as little as you choose to have. No judgements no drama. I wish more clubs did this instead of focusing their time on expensive contests with HUGE weekends that come with an expensive price tag to attend. BOTH, YES BOTH weekends cost me LESS than 500 dollars. I would go to TEN of these than one LARGE expensive overpriced event where guys are modeling (not wearing) leather and it would still cost me less than one LARGE event where everything you go to is a separate charge. NO thank you!

At the Trident Knights Anniversary Run, which is in August the weekend before Labor day, I was honored with the Associate of the year pin which is the second time. The first was in 2011. There are games and events and many cocktail parties. The theme this year was Hillbillies. The different clubs attending perform skits during the cocktail parties they host. Some of the skits are hilarious and since you are in the host hotel you don’t worry about going anywhere so no driving is involved.

The second event sponsored by the FCLS was also a blast. This happened in September and the hospitality room was exactly that…you are treated like family and the theme this year was Family affair.The scavenger hunt was fun as were the other games. Again you can get all you want in the dungeon that the Tampa Bay leather club set up. There was a bootblack class 101 sponsored by titleholder, Florida Leatherboy, boy Max, and a few others. Not only do you get fed, you drink and have classes and demos. for FREE. WHERE has this gone???

The overhead is low and since there’s no contest there’s no producer and all the headaches that go with trying to drum up contestants. It cost thousands to send contestants to a contest now..BIG business and again as was said in my previous post, that’s NOT what leather is about..it never was it never will be.