Grinding My Gears

I got this phrase from Peter Griffin, Family Guy episode. To change that to what I am writing about…There are people in the Leather Community who are older than I am and who feel they are the Leather Police of the entire country. They go around asking about EVERYONE and then go on line to look for them to see if they are located on Police Records, sex offender records and other public records. If they find anything on you they take it upon themselves to OUT YOU to everyone in the name of making them fess up and be honest. What they are actually doing, and seem to take GREAT pleasure in, is causing a lot of trouble for those who have indeed been in trouble. They take great pleasure in doing this. Vindictive bitter people I say who have nothing else left in their lives. They lost their looks, their hair is gray and they are trying to keep whats left of their self importance and their stature in the leather community by trashing others. As they say, MISERY LOVES COMPANY!!

I have personally overheard one of the “leather police” saying… you know so and so? I’ve never heard of him/her. Well just because you didn’t hear of this person doesn’t mean they weren’t around. You know EVERYONE in the entire United States? REALLY? Well I went to such and such bar, club, leather event and “I” never saw them there! So I guess because they weren’t there the night that YOU were MUST mean they’re phonies. What kind of bullshit is that? THEN they get insulted when you tell them that you DO know so and so and YOU saw them at such and such place..Well THAT doesn’t mean ANYTHING to them because THHEEEEYYYY didn’t see them there!!

WHO THE HELL made YOU the overseer of the entire leather community in the ENTIRE 50 States? Get over yourselves. You’re not young anymore; you’ve been replaced; people don’t like being around you because you’re always so negative, miserable and bitter so please just go to your own table and be miserable on your own, thank you..

Next. There’s No such thing as the Council of Elders who oversaw everything that went on in the Leather community..Plain and simple that’s all BULLSHIT. Moving on…

Old Guard Leather is a misnomer..IT was Leather..They were gay leather bikers/ex-soldiers kinky men who got together and formed bonds and alliances…..There’s nothing mystical or magical. there are those who romanticize it…Well thats sweet but not accurate..I am sure some of these men fell in love with each other and I’m sure that there was romance to some degree but I cannot speak for everyone; actually anyone,  but what I saw and experienced. Again, and this is MY opinion…I think the tradition and protocol was borne out of the structure and discipline of the military for these ex gay leather biker soldiers…it was however different to some degree for them…I wasn’t there (am not that old) but from what was told to me…those guys were about sex and kink…The one thing and the ONLY thing I am sure about is that if you were TRULY a part of them, YOU WERE PROTECTED. They were loyal to each other ..They could get into fistfights amongst themselves but if someone attacked one of their own…look out!

When I speak, I NEVER speak for EVERYONE. I don’t speak for ANYONE but what I saw, experienced and the stories I heard, and trust me, I NEVER romanticize it. I don’t know everything and I am sure it was different from what I was told, in various parts of the country. I’m not the leather police or an authority.

I get VERY annoyed when the older ones attack the younger guys coming into kink and leather. Rather than poke fun of them try taking one under your guidance to teach them what you know from YOUR perspective. Remember its YOUR take on it NOT the gospel truth according to so and so. You put out the info and let them take from it what they want. I also get very annoyed when the young guys cop an attitude when thy know nothing about anything then take on a boy, throw collars around then do a GREAT deal of damage to other young guys who believe and hang on every word they say. THIS is a BIG problem! I want to speak to those young 20 something boys..Just because the guy is young and hot doesn’t mean he knows ANYTHING. Try going to the older guy WITH experience for mentoring. REMEMBER THIS… EXPERIENCE TRUMPS YOUTH EVERY TIME. To the older guy..DON’T use the kid sexually to make yourself feel better because you’re getting older and graying, and you want a trophy to show off……Give the boy your best and you’ll gain a boy for the rest of your LIFE even if he never serves you sexually!




Many of us have seen the popular MTV series “Catfish”. In a nutshell, it is all about people who have online romances and relationships without ever meeting the person they have fallen for. 99% of the time the person is found out to NOT be the person in the photos. Thus far this is season two and ALL of the people involved are on Facebook. I wanted to do a little experiment after watching EVERY episode of the series since the beginning but instead of using Facebook I used my smartphone and one of the gay male chat sites.  I want to tell you I was ONLY using the fake profile for 7 days. I NEVER promised to meet anyone, fall in love, have a relationship or conduct myself in any way but friendly. There were NO sexual overtones that came from me. and there was NO on line sexual activity. I put up a photo of a very hot built guy that was jacked up (the term for steroid use) and I was up and running on my phone within 10 minutes with a full profile and a photo. The photo was not nude or sexual. It was simply a face picture photo of a jacked up guy flexing and ONLY from the waist up.

I am not going to divulge which site I used or the photo of the guy who I claimed to be. AGAIN, I used this profile for EXACTLY ONE WEEK. At the end of that time, I TOLD EVERYONE I chatted with, that the guy in the photo was NOT me and that I was conducting an experiment. I apologized for the deception but I wanted to know the Why’s of how people get SO caught up and involved online with total strangers and will fall in love with someone they really DO NOT know! Was it a dirty trick? NO because I came clean and apologized and in one weeks time the profile was gone. I am probably the most straight up man you will ever meet; being brutally honest sometimes; not only with others but even more-so with myself. I have no problem righting wrongs and correcting my own behavior when needed. On Catfish the vast majority are straight YOUNG people in their 20’s on Facebook. I dealt ONLY with gay men from 21 to 60 on a gay smartphone chat site. I dare say that if I had a phony profile on Facebook the results would have been the same.

I discovered some VERY big issues. There are a LOT of lonely gay men out there. With all the looks, the big jacked up bodies, there’s a lot of loneliness. The big guys that I chatted with weren’t really happy. They were the MOST respectful to me actually. They didn’t hit on me sexually at all. They were more interested in what my workout was like and where I went to the gym. They did NOT go to the bars at all and preferred staying at home NOT doing the party scene. There were some who did the drugs, party and have lots of anonymous sex but the vast majority did NOT. The most disrespectful men were the average guys. Actually they were down right cruel and mean. One telling me flat out, ” I guess I’m not doing enough cycles of steroids to get your interest, and then blocked me”. Believe it or not I got blocked A LOT! Again NOT from the other big guys but from the average joe’s who were insulted that I didn’t want to have sex with them after 5 minutes. Most of the young guys in their 20’s just wanted sex and nothing more. The majority of men who contacted me were single although there were a few in relationships who wanted to cheat, but not many; and others wanted 3 ways. This has given me a totally new and different perspective on jacked up big guys. They are more lonelier than the average guy and MUCH more sensitive than you would think. Thy hang out with each other, not for sex but to discuss their gym routines and cycles of steroids in a support system. They feel that they will be judged by those who don’t use so they hang out with their own, and I was one of them so I was instantly accepted into their circle on line. One told me they hung out together like nuns riding in a Volkswagen! They respected my likes and dislikes and not one of them ever were mean or blocked me because of my opinions. It was the average guys and the young ones who used the blocking feature 100% of the time. The MOST rude,cruel and mean were the guys who were overweight and less than average in looks (this is a subjective term, but its what *I* think of as overweight and less than attractive). It appears that gay men WANT to be connected to each other but are afraid of rejection and they hide behind the screen where they don’t have to put themselves out there. A LOT of guys are REALLY looking for love or at least that’s what they say. It is the late night when I was asked MANY MANY times to go over to their place to sleep with them and to cuddle; no sex just cuddle. They didn’t want to be alone but they don’t find any satisfaction in the bars and many of them are not finding any satisfaction on line but they felt that if only they were big enough or hot enough they would be happy. Being on line was filling up time because they were bored. MANY guys wanted to give me a massage. Some wanted me to dominate them and others wanted to dominate me. REMEMBER these are ONLY MY PERCEPTIONS over a VERY short period of time on ONLY ONE chat site but even so,  it gave me a new perspective on cat-fishing and where our culture is now. Only thing is, where are we?