MYTHS and MONSTERS

I’ve been hearing so much crap lately about what people “think” or “Assume” the leather lifestyle to be. This is a debunking of some of the topics I have heard about recently and talking about other aspects that are in my opinion, nothing more than a hot mess!

I DON’T go beating up guys. I get EXTREMELY annoyed with the “oh you’re one of those people who go swinging whips around beating up guys.” ER UH…NO. I am only going to speak in terms of how I was brought up in the community; NOT the crap of the way things are now. I was taught that if someone has no interest in something you do NOT go around pushing what YOU want 100% of the time on to them. Each person has their own needs desires and fetishes. As much as within the power exchange you expand ones horizons and limits, you DO NOT force anyone to do something that they simply don’t want to do. I have actually had guys come to me and say that they were very interested but didn’t want such and such thing done TO them but they were afraid to get their feet wet because they told me that THEY were told they would HAVE to do such and such thing even if they didn’t want to. That’s a bunch of bullshit. ANYONE who tries to FORCE you to try something you aren’t ready for; don’t walk, RUN AWAY from them. If they don’t respect your limits they likely won’t respect YOU! The damage these guys cause to newbies can sometimes turn away people that never come back.

Next HUGE issue I have. Using people to get what you need and giving back NOTHING. I see this one MORE now than ever before. The social media explosion has contributed to this in a big way as well as the title holder bullshit. Just because you win a title doesn’t mean you are a better leather-man than anyone else. For the most part, it means NOTHING because all you do it use that title to get what you want FROM the community without giving back CRAP! My opinion on titles keeps dropping as I see what guys do for their title year..They get laid, find boys SIRS or whatever depending upon how they feel for that day and then their year is over. They can do NO wrong and no one has the BALLS to TELL THEM when they screw up. It wouldn’t be correct to do so. Well when the hell did leather turn “Correct?” Another consequence, the person speaking up would get blacklisted because he “Dared” expose some sash queen out to be a phony. “Well how can he be a phony if he won a title”, I have been told. ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME? A title does NOT a Leather-man make! It means NOTHING if you don’t back up your sash with work (and I don’t mean finding a guy in every bar or traveling around the planet taking photos..THAT’S NOT WORK!) Time after time after time I get a bit of hope that so and so will be different and actually DO something..The year goes by and they did NOTHING! Oh yes, they traveled and collared boys and pups like they were giving collars out like souvenirs OR they had a SIR in every city who they promised that after their title year was done and their whirlwind tour was over, they would belong to them.. HA!  WHERES THE WORK? COMMUNITY SERVICE? There are enormous opportunities to help people with the voice they have but CHOOSE to do nothing…oh yes, they judge contests…and get laid and have groupies followers and fans….When their title is up, they get so used to their new found “fame” that they CANNOT give it up. They CANNOT fade into the background because they NEED and thrive on the attention, sex and their fans. Its a sorry state of things the way it has become. I would suggest that you couldn’t even be able to run for a title unless you have already DONE SOMETHING for the community rather than picking people off the street to run and throwing them in leather just to make the contest producer look good by having a good turnout of contestants.

Next comes the rash of guys who claim to be boys when they simply want to be controlled for an hour, get laid and move on. These men AREN’T BOYS. They are bottom guys who just want an hour or two worth of fun. Is this bad? NO of course not. HOWEVER to claim you are something just to get what you want while the other person is thinking there’s something more, is deceptive. Then you have the so called SIR/MASTER. They go buy a Daddy cap off the rack, and they become something that they don’t have a clue about.  Back in the day, Your Daddy/MASTERS cap was bestowed on you BY your peers in the community who felt you earned that recognition and title. It has been cheapened and devalued due to all the assholes out there who use it to get what they want from guys who truly are boys and wish to serve. The out come? The boy get disillusioned and leaves leather while the “sir” (and I used the term loosely) goes on to his next victim. What complicates things is that if the guy is young or hot and claiming to be a SIR looking good in leather, everything else goes out the window. They do the MOST damage in the community. They fit a mold of what others perceive a leather-man to be; they win titles have boys but when you peel away the onion layers you find out there little to no substance!

There are many GENUINE leather guys who are passed up because they aren’t young, they don’t fit the PERFECT leather mold and always get pushed to the side when these charlatans enter the picture.

I’d like to end with this thought by Henry Ward Beecher. I use his thought as the tag line on the front of my entire site here. “HOLD YOURSELF RESPONSIBLE FOR A HIGHER STANDARD THAN ANYBODY EXPECTS OF YOU! NEVER EXCUSE YOURSELF!!!!

Life and its curve balls.

Life has been interesting…Its taken me several days to write about what I am about to post. I had to get rid of the sadness and disappointment before I could write about this in a factual unemotional way so I don’t rant because that serves no purpose when its purely emotional. Onto my post. I was forced to leave the contest I was preparing 6 months for. I felt my integrity would be compromised and I could not in good and fair conscience move forward. I received a phone call from someone who was in charge of things and insinuated that I was getting a great prize package and being sent to several places to represent the title. I hadn’t won so why was I being told this? I was then told that there were 3 judges at IML that were from the Conference WHEN I won and went on to IML…again, it truly upset me. I struggled for almost 2 weeks with this information. This past week was the straw that broke the camels back. Another contestant, who I was told would NOT be running for another separate title was being allowed to run for THAT title, AND then run for this title that I was running for, 3 weeks later WHILE being a producer for several OTHER contests and events. HOW can a producer for several OTHER contests run for a title while promoting HIS own contests at THIS event? Talk about sleeping with your brother? The whole thing smelled and upon speaking to a title holder who has won several titles and who gave me her support, and that of my boy who was also a title holder, I made the decision to drop out. When I wrote my letter to someone else in charge, I was told and I quote, ” I am not making excuses for what so and so said BUT….right there, you ARE making excuses for him. I NEVER got an apology for the actions of this person who called me up and I knew then that I had made the right decision. I will run for something but THIS time I will check out EVERYTHING before I give my GOOD name to ANY event in the leather community. It is disgusting that things have gotten to this point with contests but if that’s the way it is, I have to adjust or NEVER decide to run again…I have a voice, I have the ability to give and to work for my community and the where with all to make change…and one way or another I will accomplish that. I am a FIRM believer in the Power Of One.

On to another note. My boy moved in with me Jan 21 and I got to spend my birthday with him on the 24th. I am tearing my home down due to termite infestation and the fact that my house is old and I want to update it to new hurricane codes. The next several months will be indeed interesting…but I guess if I can go through what I just did, knocking a house down will be easy. At least with that I will see the benefit. With what I just did I feel like crap even though I know in my heart I did what I felt was right and I don’t think a damn thing will be done about it… Sigh. Am not sure anymore about this community. It’s certainly not mine because this isn’t what I was taught the leather community to be. Isn’t it better to have one GOOD contestant than a bunch of bodies just to say there are a lot of contestants and to look good to the audience? You answer that!